Hailing Frequencies Open!

We done got ourselves a comment!!!!! In response to yesterday's incisive assessment of Ex-Chief Bob's desire to rule again, a certain Emily Santiago cryptically informed us:

Sen. Talent's speeches go online with podcasts
KANSAS CITY, Mo. - Finally, something you can download to your iPod that is perfectly legal.
Find out how you can buy and sell anything, like things related to music on interest free credit and pay back whenever you want! Exchange FREE ads on any topic, like music!

And so we ask, what does Kansas City have to do with any of this? Who's Mo? And so on and so forth.

In other news, our pals over at conservative life have discovered a fetishist in their midst. Of course, after the woofing about defending his family, and "bugout locations," and using GPS to track stored ammunition, we all realize that the only thing the thread author is going to get up to in the case of serious violence towards him and his is a lot of elite-level pants-shitting. Hell, this guy probably soils himself when the milkman comes by. And that's all for now.

You have got to be fucking kidding me...

Ex-city police chief Bob Wasylyshen says he'd consider returning to the post

Comeback of the year? Could be.

Retired police chief Bob Wasylyshen left the door open for a return to the Edmonton Police Service yesterday.

The chief, who was popular both with rank-and-file cops and citizens, says he'd consider returning to the top-cop job if he's approached by the headhunting firm searching for the next chief.

Jeebus. He was popular with the rank-and-file because he let them do whatever they wanted, and the only reason he seemed popular with civilians was because everybody was too terrified of the rank-and-file doing whatever they wanted to say anything about it.

[snip]
Wasylyshen added he's heard from rank-and-file officers who say they'd like him to return.

That would be rank-and-file officers (isn't that an oxymoron, BTW?) like his son, we presume. Ye gods, just when you think the EPS couldn't continue its decline from one of the best forces in the world (and not that long ago, either) to a complete fucking joke, we find out that the asshole who started the slide wants his job back. Jesus fucking wept.

Loonitunes North of the 49th

It's always been a source of deep dismay to the elite Oi! Thump! sociologues that the Americans seem to have all the really good conservative nutjobs. Sure, we've got the Byfields, but they haven't been really relevant since about 1992, even if Link did get himself elected senator-in-waiting-and-waiting-and-waiting-and-boring-people-on-talk-radio. However, we Canadians are a can-do sort of people, and it is with great joy that we introduce to you some folks doing their darndest to shrink the conservative nuttiness gap. Behold, then, the wonder that is Conservative Life. What I particularly enjoy about this site is the effort made by its contributors to deal with the most pressing issues in Canadian conservative thought today. As proof, we have this article here:

Dr. Phil's Son To Wed Playboy Centerfold

Ironically, an episode the other day was about the evils of judging by appearance.

As with those that claim they read Playboy for the articles, I suppose he became smitten by this tramp through her personality.

For those charmed by the puny, ditzy model type, be warned. They don't strike me as the kind that will do much housework or happily do as they are told like a proper wife should.

Yup, cutting edge stuff, with a dose of gratuitous misogyny tossed in, just to make sure everyone remembers that yes, this piece was written by a twit. Then there's this, from the Conservative Life messageboards:

I Would Leap Off The Top Of A Mountain For Pres. Bush

That pretty much makes fun of itself, doesn't it...

Not Dead Yet...

A mere half-a-year on from the last post, the Oi! Thump! staff were awakened from a deep sleep by the kiss of a beautiful maiden. Sort of. By which I mean the cat walked into the Oi! Thump! Fortress of Solitude Command Centre (batteries sold seperately) and barfed. We're reading much ancient Greek and Latin these days, including Aeschylus' Prometheus Bound, Tacitus' Agricola, and a number of other things. The good folks to the south of us seem to have, at least somewhat, realized that they are being governed by a ninny, which is a good thing. And we still await said ninny's Grand Vizier, who is supposed to be paying a visit to our fair land sometime in the near future, presumeably after he has drunk the blood of some virgins, or something... More to come.

Stupidest...Fucking...Article...Ever...

Ye gods, some mothers do have 'em...

Should Women Play Sports?
By Scott Jonas
Jan 4, 2005, 18:33

I have read many great articles by Christian men and women regarding the participation of women in the workforce, politics, and in the military. These are activities that most women didn’t participate in until fifty years ago. However, I feel there is one other major activity these writers have not addressed. For some reason, they've overlooked women’s participation in sports.

Needless to say, our intrepid correspondent doesn't think women should play sports. This is because he is an adherent to the branch of Christian theology known as "being a douchebag." The best paragraph in the piece is this one:

Most men I know admire a woman who is reasonably healthy and fit; they are also attracted to a woman who is somewhat “soft” and cuddly. This does not mean she should be delicate like tissue paper; no, a woman should be reasonably strong, and the normal duties of life will make her that way. This is what we learn from the Proverbs 31 woman. However, if you look at pictures of female athletes who play sports or observe them on the playing fields, you will notice that many develop strong, muscular bodies. Female athletes also sneer, wince, push, and fight just like the men. I notice these things all the time in pictures in our hometown newspaper. The sneers are most obvious; they make young women very unfeminine. The masculine uniforms and sweaty bodies aren’t very attractive, either.

This guy sure spends a lot of time thinking about the sweaty bodies of muscular women who happen to be complete strangers... Did he have a bad date when he was younger? Did Mia Hamm run over his dog? And does Mrs. Jonas think?

Actually, I think our boy has just realized that there's yet another group of people out there who can kick his ass if he gives them any lip.

Oh yeah, and there's this:

I also notice when driving by our public school grounds and sports fields another phenomenon taking place: the young girls are trained in sports right along with the boys. To me, this can only be degrading to the boys. In some cases, girls regularly participate on boys' sports teams, and therefore compete against the boys themselves. During the past decade, more and more girls participated in wrestling; since there were no girls' wrestling teams, they joined the boys' teams and competed against the boys. I read about one school where the boys refused to wrestle the girls and forfeited their matches; there could be no greater embarrassment to them than to lose to a girl, not to mention it likely violated their sense of masculine chivalry. So not only is female sports participation degrading the feminine nature of women, in many cases it degrades the developing masculinity in boys.

Without addressing the issue of how much time Scott Jonas spends "driving by our public school grounds," let me merely say that this paragraph is very revealing. For in it, we see the ghost of young Scott, 14 years old, aspiring Olympic wrestler, until one black day, he takes the mat only to see that his opponent... IS A GURL!!!1!!! The unsettling effect of the sight of her ankles, plus the fact that 83% of Scott's body mass is acne, combine to lead to an epic beat-down, which ends with Scott in surgery to have his big toe removed from his ear. And a legend is born (Ok, it's the legend of a man downloading terabytes of pictures of female athletes "for research," combined with the legend of a man learning the meaning of the term "strap-on," but it's still a legend).

A douchebag, as I said...

Ze Veek uf Hell iz Ofer...
Which doesn't explain the lack of posting, except for the past few days. Anyway, I've just written the worst damn essay I've ever produced, taught the deadest tutorial in the history of tutorials, and so on and so forth. Meanwhile, things have been happening in the world:

We're still burying Mounties. This was a horrific event. 'Nuff said.

The U.S. is still fucking up in Iraq. This is also a horrific thing. I'll be in Italy in a few weeks, and it'll be interesting to see what the opinion "on the street" is.

Paul Cellucci is still being a douchebag. Paul Cellucci is a horrific thing... well not really. What he is is a thug.

And so on and so forth...

Well, I had an entire nice post ready to go about the recent Canadian decision not to get involved in the missile defence fiasco, but when I went to the U.S. embassy website to try to get examples of Paul Cellucci being a twit, it crashed the computer. Damn you Paul Cellucci!!! Anyway, I'm too depressed and lazy now, so I'll try to post more tomorrow.

Been sick, hence no recent posting. Will try to do something on the great Edmonton Police Meltdown of '05 in the near future.

It's oh so easy...

Most folks have probably already seen the above picture, of a little Iraqi girl crying after U.S. soldiers gunned down her parents on the off-chance that they were suicide bombers. And a lot of people in the blogosphere have already made the ironic connection between that photo and the "Freedom on the March" mantra of little Georgie. So there's not really too much more to say on that score, other than to note that my sympathies are also extended somewhat to the soldiers who participated in this particular monumental fuck-up; some sleepless nights ahead for them, methinks.

However, the picture looked oddly familiar to me; a little girl, in terrible fear, her life destroyed by American imperial ambition and greed maskerading as donated freedom. Where have we seen that before? Oh yeah, here:



Perhaps someone on the right can explain to me why the iconic images of America's purported attempts at liberation are always children crying. Any takers?

International Edition...

Well, as very quietly went pretty much unreported in the mainstream press, the U.S. administration finally admitted that, hey, there were no WMDs in Iraq. This stunned nobody. I was going to write an long and scathing post about it, but the proprietress of Baghdad Burning has beaten me to the punch. And she's actually there. Go check her out.

It's Still Early, But This May Be the Best Column of the Year. Seriously though, this woman's priceless.

Stay home, Bobby Jr.
By JANET L. JACKSON -- Calgary Sun

I really hate smug, self-righteous people. It's even more annoying when they are "New York Times-reading, latte-drinking, sushi-eating," and private plane-flying trial lawyers exploiting the naivete of locals in order to expand their personal empires.

Ms. Jackson doesn't like people who read the New York Times, drink coffee, and eat sushi while flying private planes, and I gotta say she's onto something there.

I am, of course, referring to the Waterkeepers Alliance's Robert F. Kennedy Jr. and his anti-pig attitude.

Of course you are.

Once again this year, the Waterkeeper Alliance gala, was a huge cash cow for Bobby Jr., paid for by naive Albertans unaware of Bobby Jr.'s hidden anti-pig agenda.

An "anti-pig" agenda? What the fuck is an "anti-pig" agenda? They don't want pigs to get married, or something, I guess.

As offensive as it may be for Americans to come up here to fundraise, be grateful Kennedy is forced to hustle for his loot amongst Hollywood halfwits and naive private locals, unlike Canadian radical environmentalists who feed at the Liberal trough provided by unknowing taxpayers.

Past Environment Minister Lorne Taylor put Bobby Jr. into a rootin' tootin' fistfight sort of mood last year when he exposed the Waterkeeper's hidden agenda.

"I'm always ready for a fist fight," declared reckless Bobby Jr., swaggering off his plane.

Taylor explained what got Kennedy so upset.

"Last time he was here, he fear-mongered on livestock operations and then he used that fear-mongering to raise a bunch of money," Taylor said.

As it turns out, Kennedy's main source of fear mongering fundraising is tied to attacking pig farmers.

It seems Kennedy is an expert on pig-related issues: "How is industrial hog farming a threat to rural America and democracy?" is only one of many papers you will find regarding the topic on his website.

Wait, wait. You've babbled about a "hidden agenda," and now you're saying that there are articles on this agenda freely available on the group's website? I think I could give them some tips on hiding things...

I can hear Kennedy fuming from his New York high-rise office tower, "But we like organic pigs."

As opposed to the all-pervasive inorganic pig?

The evil "factory farm" debate rears its ugly head. You see, Kennedy believes in "organic" bacon, in other words high-priced, elite pork that only people who work in lushly decorated towers can afford.

Yes, we've all known the heartbreak of seeing organic pork prices climb to $1000 an ounce. No wait, that was cocaine...

Unlike Kennedy, I have actually fed pigs, and I have never met an organic pig in my life. I also know many farmers who have built their farms into successful, large operations because they have worked very hard.

First off, the fact that you have actually administered food to some sort of bizarre artificial pig does not mean that you know dick about the pork industry, awright? Secondly, I know several large corporations which have built their farms into successful, large operations because they housed the animals on those farms in conditions which would make an Abu Ghraib prison guard throw up.

In their quest to free the pigs,

I thought they had an anti-pig agenda.

Bobby Jr. and groups like PETA (People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals) need to understand what living close to the earth really means. If you want to live "close to earth," realize this includes living in a hovel with free-range pigs outside and inside your home (in the winter). Like our European ancestors did.

And now, coming out of left field, we give you... The Complete Non-Sequitur!!! Jeebus we went from the pork industry to ancient Celtic living conditions fast.

While "back to the earth" theory may seem romantic, the practical realities are not and this "back to the earth" philosophy can be used as a tool to interfere in individuals' lives.

The Center for Consumer Freedom, a non-profit consumer watchdog protecting consumer choice, directs attention to the fact that many of Kennedy's Waterkeeper Alliance board members are lawyers with a whole lot of suing on their minds. These lawyers' personal fortunes are tied to class action suits fleecing the tobacco industry.

Is Kennedy and friends' anti-pig agenda related to the fact that since they have destroyed the tobacco industry, these trial lawyers need a new cash cow or cash pig?

The tobacco industry has been destroyed? When's the holiday?

In the current agriculture crisis due to the American border remaining closed to Canadian beef, the last thing Alberta needs is Kennedy attacking pig farmers.

Enjoy the Rockies, but when it comes to farming, mind your own business Bobby. Or better yet, stay home.

Think about it this way: If you really care about our water, Bobby, staying out of Alberta is one less toilet flush of a drain on our valuable water supply.

What? Bobby Kennedy came up here just to use the bathroom? Lady, you're weird.

Oh, and here's the Waterkeeper website.

Official Kyle Young Inquiry Commences: Important Questions Probably Not To Be Asked

'A kind of a melee'
TONY BLAIS, COURT BUREAU

A teen who died in a fall down a prisoner elevator shaft at the Edmonton courthouse was handcuffed and shackled at the time, after assaulting a guard two days earlier. The attack on a female court constable was revealed publicly for the first time yesterday at a fatality inquiry being held into the Jan. 22, 2004, death of Kyle James Young, 16.

Right. We knew the boy was shackled, and now we know why. We still are a little lost on the question of why a small, shackled, 16-year-old found himself propelled through an elevator door.

Young's mother, Lorena Young, is attending the inquiry and said she is hoping to get some answers.

"I'm just glad it finally got started."

I wish Lorena Young could legitimately hope for answers, but this thing's been whitewashed from the start. There are a lot of people, including both cops and court workers, who deserve to be having a real hard time getting any sleep over this.

Well, Happy New Year again. And it looks like 2005 is just going to be the bannerest year ever. We've got another year of the moron to the south of us, who apparently is now considering introducing, um, political action committees to the good folks of Iraq, who apparently haven't suffered enough, while his idiot followers ponder a new method of treating women who've suffered miscarriages. We've got another year of Ralph up here, with the ultra-conservative wing-nuts baying in the background, although that's providing as much comedy as alarm these days. Mother nature seems moderately ticked about something. More people than ever are just confused (sorry dude, but "Proud to be Canadian" and unironic links to Ann Coulter should not really on the same page). One does find some diamonds amid the pig shit though, to mix a metaphor... Well, maybe things will be alright, and maybe, especially in certain parts of the world, they won't.

Happy New Year!!

More on the gay marriage thing

Canada Court's OK of Same-Sex 'Marriage' Has Conservatives Concerned

By Chad Groening and Jenni Parker
December 10, 2004

(AgapePress) - The ruling by Canada's Supreme Court that same-sex marriage is constitutional is reverberating across North America, as liberals and conservatives across the continent react with celebration or alarm. One Canadian pro-family leader says it may take the election of a conservative government to prevent Parliament from extending marriage rights to homosexuals

Yes, well, that would do it, wouldn't it. And, since the Conservatives are pretty much standing alone on this one, with perhaps the odd Liberal in attendance, the chances of getting such an election aren't real good.

The head of the Canada Family Action Coalition says the organization will be working to mobilize citizens across Canada in an attempt to head off the liberal government's efforts to extend marriage rights to homosexuals. "We've got to rally the troops across Canada," he says, urging citizens to contact members of Parliament and tell them, "If you do not support marriage as [being between] a man and a woman, we're coming after you next election and you will be out."

These fuckers must think we live in a really great country, that this is the only issue we have to deal with. For example, this must be happening somewhere else. I certainly missed the Canada Family Action Coalition (motto: "Fucking Up Other Peoples' Families For Fun & Profit") response to it...

We're Back in Business...

Yeah, it's been a nastily busy month or so, which left the Oi! Thumpers! unable to comment on president fuckface's visit to our fair realm, on the provincial election that saw the ruling party take about 3/4 of the seats and still call it a loss, and any number of other tedious things. Anyhoo, the thing riling the right at this point in time seems to be gay marriage, which is about to become legal up here despite the whining of REAL Women, among others. REAL Women? Weren't they just a sexual fantasy of the Alberta Report crew? Why do they still exist? Are they, and the other groups like them, among those undead whose hatred of the living is so strong that they can never die?


No special rights... Support family values... Braaains...

Anyway, here's a particularly lovely example from The Daily Quisling's letter page:

RE: GAY marriage. I am glad that the issue is back before the politicians who have avoided this issue like the plague. The lawmakers need to be willing to make tough moral decisions and face the democratic heat. We as a society can redefine things however we want, but ultimately God, the Creator, holds the definition. We may redefine gravity, but we will reap the consequences of not obeying the law. We may redefine marriage, but we will reap the moral consequences.

Dr. Keith Bienert

Holy Shit! The Supreme Court of Canada can redefine gravity?!?!?!?? They can say "Hmmm, I think we'll solve the national obesity problem; today's gravity will be, oh, let's say 0.72g"?!?!?!?! Why haven't we been told? Who's been keeping this under wraps? And how did the intrepid Dr. Keith Beinert find out about it? And what the fuck does it have to do with gay marriage anyway? The people deserve to know...

Exams, Papers, Marking, More Papers...

We'll be back, but probably not until next week. Ciao.

Well, that didn't take long...


Fucktards Ahoy!

It's but a week and a bit since our friends to the south screwed up and put GWB back in power, but already the trained internet detectives from the Oi! Thump! pool have tracked down the inevitable next step. Yup, it's people who want to repeal the 22nd Amendment to the American Constitution (that's the one that forces people like GWB to eventually retire). And, here they are!

It's from the website of one of those groups that likes to go around branding anyone who disagrees with them a traitor. This lot are a bit more violence-minded than the rest (they have a really nasty tar-and-feather fetish), but that's really the only difference. Scum, in short. We'll be keeping an eye on them, and bringing you more tales of idiocy as they occur.

Oi Thump! Official Response to the U.S. Election


Ya know, I've spent a fair chunk of the last couple of years defending the U.S. during arguments with folks trying to put that country down. "Yeah," I'd say, "They're run by a real piece of shit, but it's not like he was actually elected properly." Fuck, I even felt embarassed when people booed the American national anthem. But that's all over. America, you really shit the bed on this one. You've gone and let foaming religious fundamentalists, greedy sneering media personalities, and people whose only way of interacting with other people is to try to frighten them get together and take over the most powerful government on the planet. Oh, and we can throw in the multinational corporations as well. You let them win. Now, if you actually voted for those fuckers, you're probably illiterate, so it's unlikely that you're reading this. No, this is for the rest of you. It's time for you to actually do something. Have a riot, try to impeach the dickwad, I don't care. But you'd better do something that shows that you have at least a vestigal spine, and do it fast, because otherwise you're going to find yourselves living back in medieval times, and dragging the rest of us down with you, and that's if we're all very lucky. Good luck, but you've got a hell of a mess, and I'm not drowning in optimism here.

Almost Halloween, which means things are getting scary to the south of us. But first, a punk pic...


...and now, back to scariness.

One Nation Under Bush
At a campaign rally, Republicans recite the "Bush Pledge."
By Chris Suellentrop
Updated Thursday, Oct. 28, 2004, at 10:44 PM PT

PORT ST. LUCIE, Fla.—"I want you to stand, raise your right hands," and recite "the Bush Pledge," said Florida state Sen. Ken Pruitt. The assembled mass of about 2,000 in this Treasure Coast town about an hour north of West Palm Beach dutifully rose, arms aloft, and repeated after Pruitt: "I care about freedom and liberty. I care about my family. I care about my country. Because I care, I promise to work hard to re-elect, re-elect George W. Bush as president of the United States."

So, they stood there, arms upraised, and swore an oath to their leader... Sort of like this?



Ye gods.

Jesus Murphy, has it really been ten days?


Um, yeah, so we've been busy. I have a German oral exam and a German written exam both coming up, a poopload of marking on the horizon, and I just finished a truly crappy paper. So fuck off. Normal service will be resumed soon. If you are truly missing the Oi! Thump! experience, I would suggest finding a print edition of the latest column by somebody named "Byfield" (he's having trouble this time figuring out which group of Easterners he hates most!) or "Corbela" (this week she thinks that Canada's becoming some sort of fundie Muslim state) or another of their ilk and urinating on it from a great height. It'll tide you over, anyway.

An old friend drops in on Oi! Thump!


So, we were all sitting around in the top-secret Oi! Thump! headquarters, nursing our hangovers and pondering the nasty political situation in the large country to the south of us, when the doors banged open and in strolled Pliny the Younger. That's right, Mr. Caius Plinius Caecilius Secundus himself. Now, we hadn't seen much of Pliny since he passed away in about A.D. 112, but, given what's been in the water around here since the unicorn fell into the cistern and drowned, we weren't all that surprised when he showed up.

"Why so glum?" he asked.

"Weeel," we said, "our good friends to the south of us look like they might actually, if you can believe it, elect to their highest office a man who would make you long for the days of Domitian."

"Ye Gods, not George W. Bush!" said Pliny.

"Unfortunately, yes," we replied, warming to the topic at hand. "You should have seen the little twerp debating his opponent the other night. Oratory is fucking dead, man."

"Now there, you speak the truth," quoth our guest. "Indeed (and I remember expressing similar sentiments once long ago in a letter to my friend Maximus) I am ashamed to describe the speeches of today,



the mincing accents in which they are delivered,



and the puerile applause they receive."



Then we all hit the sambuca and the rest of the night is a bit of a blur.

For the record, the letter to Maximus is Pliny II.14.

Jeebus we're spending a lot of time on the Byfields lately...


...but they're just so darn poke-fun-at-able. Here's Byfield pere:

Sun, October 3, 2004
Albertans must prepare for the storm
By Ted Byfield -- Calgary Sun

Possibly the most significant date in the history of Alberta will fall within a year after Nov. 22. That's the date of the provincial election.

Some time after that, the Martin government will announce the New National Energy Program, the purpose of which will be to commandeer Alberta's natural resource revenues and convey them to Eastern Canada generally and to Quebec in particular.

This is not a possibility.

I think we should consider it a dead certainty.

Yup, the jack-booted thugs of the Eastern Commissars will come into your house, smash your kid's piggy-bank, and cart the proceeds back to Ontario and Quebec, laughing like fiends all the while. IT'S GOING TO HAPPEN PEOPLE!!! AND SOON!!! LOCK UP YOUR DAUGHTERS!!! But don't panic, Ted is here to tell you what to do.

I also believe it imposes on every Albertan a single decision.

When the Martin government proposes this, will we vote to separate from Canada?

Um, I'm going to put the rent money down on "No" for that one, Ted. Sorry 'bout that.

All this sounds like dire alarmism, I know, but consider the circumstances.

First the economic ones: Oil has hit $50 a barrel and is altogether likely to keep on going up.

That confers enormous economic advantage on this province.

And, in Ted's Alberta, we take that enormous economic advantage and sit on top of it, glaring hatefully at the neighbours all the while.

It will funnel billions more into the oil sands, and make Alberta the economic engine of the whole country.

Last week, we saw Imperial Oil announce it was finally moving its head office into Alberta, where it should have been all along.

This is only a beginning.

Money, jobs, technology, all these things and many more will begin gravitating into the province.

So far so good. This is supposed to provoke us to separate?

Now consider the political circumstances:

The minority Martin government almost certainly must face an election within two years, and it can call one any time it pleases.

To gain a majority, it must win more seats in Quebec and Ontario. The surefire means to gain support down there is to promise a major raid on "the Rich Oil Barons," meaning us.

It's a formula that has never failed. It is bound to happen.

Ok, that probably wins the 2004 award for "Most Concentrated Bullshit in a Newspaper Column." C'mon down, Ted!! Anyway, the "formula" has never failed because it's never been tried. Winning more seats in Quebec and Ontario (and the West) is going to be better achieved by supporting the frickin' municipalities anyway.

It is also a double-edged sword because it will cause a devastating split in the Tories.

Their Alberta and Western wing will go one way and their Ontario and Eastern wing will go another.

So we will have a single-issue federal election.

Do you want a government that is prepared to "stand for the interests of all Canada," or one that will "serve only the interests of a single, already very rich province?"

The Liberals will go back with a landslide.

The Alberta boom will come to an abrupt end.

Because every time the Liberals get into power, Alberta gets automatically screwed. Oh wait, what's the opposite of getting screwed? Right, that's what happens.

Anyway, the rest of the article is basically concerned with the timing of the descent of the Liberal hordes on Alberta, and whether they'll get here before the Queen does. And whether that will provoke loony people to try to hijack the provincial Conservative Party leadership. I mean, it's not like that's happening already... Or like it's never happened in the past... However, Ted does close off with a piece of good advice:

The answer is that we can think out the issue -- not angrily but coolly, not emotionally but rationally.

But remember, THE EASTERNERS ARE COMING!!! THEY'RE GOING TO TAKE OUR MONEY!!! THEY'RE EEEEEEVIL!! But let's all be rational.

Ah, the first post of October...


Our friend Link has decided that he's had enough of boring people stupid with his "rants" in the Edmonton Sun, and has apparently decided to take his little act to the national stage. Actually, this is pretty funny. If he wins, we're going to get to see ol' Link on his knees in front of Paul Martin begging for a job.

Fri, October 1, 2004

I'm in the race
By LINK BYFIELD -- Calgary Sun

Not the human race, surely.

It now looks almost certain that a provincial election will occur on Monday, Nov. 22.

This matters to me personally, because I'm running in it.

So, elections only matter to the people who're running them? Interesting take on democracy there, old boy.

I'm standing as a candidate for the Senate.

But Link, you do realize that will mean you will have to come out of your bunker, and actually go to Ottawa, should you win and sufficiently fellate the necessary people to actually get a seat.

On voting day, Albertans will be given two ballots, one to pick their local MLA, and the other to choose provincewide candidates for Alberta's three existing Senate vacancies.

Premier Klein will send the top three picks to Prime Minister Paul Martin, urging him to appoint them.

There is, of course, no guarantee Martin will do so. Alberta's first senatorial winner was appointed back in 1989.

Normally, however, prime ministers choose favourites from within their own party who nobody's heard of.

Actually, doofus, most of us have heard of the Prime Minister's own party.

This is why the Canadian Senate has little credibility or public respect.

Whereas, when the Byfield dynasty takes up its rightful seat in Canada's own House of Lords, the credibility and respect will shoot right through the roof! Hooray!

And so on and so forth. Anyway, I want to urge everyone out there to vote for Link for Senate. If he's elected, and his blowjob is of such quality that Martin actually appoints him, I promise, right here on this here blog, that we will shine the bright arc-light of accountability on Mr. Link. We will track his every move in the Upper Chamber! We will note the significance of his every utterance (except the snoring). We will present you with indepth statistical analysis of his salary versus the benefits you, the Canadian taxpayer, are deriving from it! In short, we will pester to the max! Until we get bored.

Undies...


Ok, time for a sports break here at Oi! Thump!. Not long ago, Mr. Barry Bonds of the San Francisco Giants Baseball Club (Est. 1883) hit the 700th Home Run of his illustrious career. And then, what has sadly become inevitable in such situations occurred...

Dispute over a Bonds home run arises again
Associated Press

SAN FRANCISCO -- The San Francisco Giants fan who caught Barry Bonds' 700th homer is being sued by another man who says he was the rightful owner of the prized ball, which he maintains was stolen from him during a mad scramble.

According to a restraining order to be filed in state court Tuesday, Timothy Murphy said Steve Williams stole the historic blast from him during a melee in the left-center bleachers at SBC Park on Sept. 17.

There is a solution for this sort of thing, you know. And here it is - the The Official Oi! Thump! Guide to Resolving Disputes Over Historic Baseballs:

1. If any one of the disputants is under 13 years of age, that person shall be awarded the baseball. In addition, if any of the disputants are under 13 years of age, any disputants over the age of 25 will be charged with assault.

2. If two or more of the disputants are under 13 years of age, the ball will be awarded to them jointly.

3. If any of the disputants are over the age of 40, they shall automatically be disqualified from any stake in the ball. And they shall be mocked.

4. Any disputant who uses any equipment other than a standard-issue baseball glove to attempt to catch the ball will be disqualified from any stake in the ball.

5. If there are no disputants under 13 years of age, the remaining disputants between the ages of 13 and 39 (inc.) shall be made to write an essay on the history and significance of baseball. The length of said essay will depend on the writer's age as follows: 13-19 y.o. = 2500 words, 20-29 y.o. = 5000 words, 30-39 y.o. = 10,000 words. The essays will be judged by a panel of baseball writers, and the winner will be given custody of the ball.

See, not too difficult...

Es geht gut...


Just came out of a German exam (my first actual, for-marks, thing since I got back on this crazy ship), and I must say I'll be very disappointed if I didn't kick its ass. Think I managed to keep my noun genders separate though. Not too much else going on, and Link's column from Friday was dead boring (Chretien was bad, etc. etc.). On the plus side, it appears that there's going to be a Mark Lisac book out soon (maybe already out - it's on the Fall 2004 list at Newest Press). For those of you who don't know, Lisac's probably been the best columnist on matters Albertan that I can remember, so I look forward to him puttting the boots to the whole concept of "Western alienation."

Latest quit smoking attempt is now one day old...


Haven't been about much in the past week, mostly because being a grad student is rather hard work (and all of you who like bleating on about "ivory towers" and "getting out into the real world" can go fuck yourselves), but also because I've been sicker than eight dogs. The next person to use this keyboard is probably doomed...

Anyway, here's Link's exciting take on the big scandal we're calling "Ralph's Night Out." For those of you who've been away, our dear premier skipped out on a vital health care conference with the other premiers to go, wait for it, to a casino... Yeah, he's going to get elected again too. Anyway, here's Link...

Waiting for a parade

Ralph misses key opportunity to fend off Ottawa's intrusions
By LINK BYFIELD -- Calgary Sun

Hey, how about that ol' Ralph, sneaking off to a casino instead of suffering through long days of pompous televised health policy wind-baggery this week in Ottawa.

Ralph played hooky, and I bet most people back here laughed. He looked like a kid skipping out on chores to go play. There's something charming about it.

And so on and so forth. You just know, too, that if some other premier had done that, Link would have cummed himself in righteous indignation, and the shear pomposity of the columns he wrote in response would have threatened all life on Earth. But when Darling Ralph steps out of line, it's written off as having "something charming" about it." Ladies and gentlemen, there's nothing charming about a lazy useless fuck-up being repeatedly placed in positions of authority and just as repeatedly disgracing and embarassing the people he's supposed to represent.

Ah, a day spent watching one of my favourite columnists ever tear Sean Hannity a new one is a day well spent. Not that I spent all day doing that, just the last little bit of it. I also fixed my last post, so you can now see exactly what's my text and what's Link's.

I'm a grad student, and here's a pic..."



Yes, it's true, I have re-entered the groves of academe officially, and now have an office, which I share with a mysterious person whom I've never met. He seems to be some sort of Canadian historian. Anyhoo, in the world outside the ivory towers, things continue as normal, which means essentially that Link Byfield keeps writing shit.

No respect
By LINK BYFIELD -- Calgary Sun

Hmmm, a Byfield column entitled "No Respect." Arrrrh, there be whinin' on the horizon mateys!

I don't know Bob Foulkes and he doesn't know me. But for some reason he seems to think he does. Foulkes wrote a piece in another Calgary paper yesterday diagnosing me as basically paranoid. He didn't name me specifically.

Ok, so Mr. Foulkes specifically didn't call you paranoid, but you think he did. Doesn't that make you, um, paranoid?

He said it about all Albertans who advocate greater use of provincial rights.

Paranoia reflected onto a group is still paranoia, Link.

He imagines we are motivated by "frustration, resentment and fear," among other mental defects.

Ok, so Mr. Foulkes has a talent for stating the obvious. Not a crime, last time I checked.

Unlike Bob, I won't try to psychoanalyse the whole 60%-plus of Albertans who want more provincial autonomy and less federal government. After all, there are two million of us. But he's wrong about me, and the many I happen to know. We disagree with the centralist federal policies of the past 40 years because they've been such a huge flop.

Yeah, "a huge flop" as shown by the fact that Canada (Alberta in particular, of course) is now an economic wasteland, where innocent Albertans are deprived of health care and pensions, and the only sound is the hideous laughter of Eastern commissars reveling in their mastery (see Oi Thump! passim). Oh wait, that's not true.

He has no more reason or right to call us "resentful" and "fearful" than I would to call him a "spineless Ottawa suck-up," which I won't do.

Oh Link, you sly dog, you.

Political debate in this country would go a whole lot better if everyone would stick to the issues and stop getting personal.

We regret to inform you that the entire staff of Oi Thump! died of immediate actue irony poisoning after reading the above sentence.

I'm sure Bob's a well-motivated guy. He just happens to be wrong.

Foulkes rejects the idea of Alberta running its own provincial replacements to the Canada Pension Plan, the RCMP and federal collection of provincial taxes -- three things Albertans have the constitutional right to run for themselves the way Quebec does. He says those of us who promote these things want to "isolate Alberta" and "turn our backs on Canada."

Well, duh.

This is false. We don't.

That is false. You do.

Take the pension plan. Alberta has a unilateral right to opt into its own separate pension plan with three years' notice to the federal government. After negotiations with Ottawa, a seamless transition would occur. Pensioners would not even notice the difference.

But why do it, asks Foulkes.

Because (a) Albertans would get the same benefits as they do from the CPP at significantly less cost, and (b) Alberta's departure would force CPP premiums up in the remaining provinces, creating a national furor.

Yup, it's worth doing because it'll fuck up the neighbours! Great. I mean, what does Link Byfield have against working people in Saskatchewan or New Brunswick that he wants to their CPP premiums go up? Is this guy a fucking creep, or what?

The truth is that an Alberta pension plan would be only slightly less of a rip-off to young Albertans than the Canada Pension Plan, which is a boondoggle that should never have been started.

And what does he have against young people in Alberta, that he wants to seem them ripped off?

Alberta has been pointing this out for years. But what can we do about it?

Better public pension systems are available.

In more adaptive nations, such as Chile, citizens are now required to bank 10% of their personal income in private retirement funds.

They choose between competing, regulated private plans, and the money remains theirs, not the government's. Although anyone can still claim pension benefits from the government as an alternative, most people do better in the private system.

So it's, um, sort of like Canada then, where you can get a government pension, or invest your money yourself? What was your point here, Link?

But here we bump up against the modern Canadian dilemma, much like medicare, employment insurance and fiscal equalization.

To start the CPP, Ottawa first invaded a provincial jurisdiction by making promises it couldn't possibly keep. To pay for it, the feds vigorously siphon billions upon billions out of Ontario and Alberta. Receiving provinces cheer from the sidelines, and Ottawa refuses to fix the program.

Oh, that's why he doesn't like Saskatchewan and New Brunswick! Because he's a moron who seems to have conveniently forgotten that folks in Ontario and Alberta get pensions too!

So what should Albertans do?

Bob Foulkes says, "The solution is to work harder to bring those fellers down east around to our point of view." We should "continue our outspoken participation in the affairs of the nation (which) enriched the federation."

Well put, Bob. Sounds like Bob, at least, is definitely against "isolating Alberta" and "turning our backs on Canada." What, Link is your response to this seemingly reasonable statement?

This is bafflegab.

Why am I not surprised.

Canada is more centralized today than it was in 1993, when the Reform party first showed up en masse in Parliament. The federal government is more corrupt, more bereft of ideas, and more stubbornly hostile to the West.

Link, did you just blame the Reform party for the centralization of Canada? Did you mean to do that? Are you going to find part of a tractor in your bed tonight?

The only "enriching" the feds want from Alberta is the $12 billion they take out each year in taxes and don't send back in spending. They want our money, not our enriching point of view.

Eastern commissars, etc.

People such as Bob have to decide whether they want Eastern Canada to like us or to respect us. If it's respect, we must start exercising our rights.

No, we just have to stop being complete morons, because Easterners already do like us. You first, Link.

Week 1 of unemployment going just fine, thank you...


And now there's this non-story...

Cops file complaint
ANDREA SANDS, CITY HALL BUREAU

Rank-and-file cops want the Edmonton Police Commission chairman punished or fired for making "unprofessional" public statements about officers, says the president of Edmonton's police union. Staff Sgt. Peter Ratcliff confirmed yesterday he has written to Mayor Bill Smith on behalf of 1,200 Edmonton Police Association members, arguing commission chairman Martin Ignasiak has lost his objectivity "and that he either needs to be disciplined in some way or removed."

OK kiddies, let's review. The appalling statements made by Ignasiak were basically to the effect that high-speed chases are dangerous and we have too many of them (see Oi! Thump!s passim) and that he didn't think police used their tasers too much. Oh the horror. The problem here, of course, is the same problem it's been for the last several years, and that is that the EPS absolutely refuses to accept any criticism on any issue from any person. And this will be the problem (and it's a problem for the decent rank-and-file police officers as well) until we fucking well get a civilian oversight committee together to custodiat the custodies, as it were. Of course, any suggestion that that might be the way to go provokes screams of bloody murder from the police brass. Sigh. Anyway, my favouritest quote from the Edmonton Sun article is this one:

The critical comments have created a "very dangerous and confrontational atmosphere" for officers responding to calls, [Staff Sgt. Peter] Ratcliff argued.

From a police force whose most recently departed chief was infamous for the confrontational attitude he urged his officers to adopt, that's just pathetic.

Normal Service Resumes...


Yes, I survived last night, but barely. Anyway, I've been tracking, over the past week, a story of such horrorifying import that I can barely bring myself to blog about it even now, when it seems to have had a happy resolution. I call this tale "Vikings Stole My Shrimp!!!" Here is its denouement:

Ports to remain open to Danish boats
WebPosted Aug 27 2004 05:50 PM NDT

ST. JOHN'S — Canadian ports will remain open to Danish vessels after Denmark agreed to stop fishing shrimp over its allowable quota.

Canada had threatened to banish fishing vessels from Denmark, the Faroe Islands and Greenland because Denmark was taking more than the 144 tonnes of shrimp it was given under North Atlantic Fisheries Organization (NAFO) agreement.

Yeah, and you know what happens to people who over-fish in the Grand Banks, dontcha? Alright, who's next? Who wants some?

There would be a punk pic here if I could be sussed to go and find one...

Not going to be an active week here at Oi! Thump!, I'm afraid. It's my last week at a job I've held for six years, so I've got my hands a bit full un-embedding myself from it. I love you all, and I'll be back next week (Ok, maybe Saturday, depending on what my loving co-workers do to me on Friday night).

Bush Supporter Attacks Student
Right winger demonstrates her true respect for free speech

From the Portland Tribune: An unidentified supporter of President Bush tries to silence protester Kendra Lloyd-Knox (right) outside Southridge High School in Beaverton. Elsewhere in Portland, supporters of Democratic candidate Sen. John Kerry, D-Mass., rallied on the waterfront.

Not too much I need to add to this really.

Did I mention about murky and grainy?


Well, first off, today is the anniversary of the first post coming down at World O'Crap, without doubt on of the finest blogs out there. You may recall that we first tumbled to World O'Crap over their coverage of "Family Circus," and we have been faithful readers ever since. We here at Oi! Thump! offer our most profound congratulations.

On a less happy note, there's this bit of non-news.

Web Posted Aug 20 2004 06:11 AM MDT
Alberta not funding universities: report

Edmonton - Alberta has been ranked seventh among provinces for how its post-secondary institutions are supported.

The report from the Centre for Policy Alternatives looks at how much governments spend on their universities and colleges. In the five years the centre has conducted the study, Alberta has ranked in the bottom half.

Y'know I remember back in the heady days of the early nineties, when student activism actually meant something. That was back in the days when the Klein government's sneering contempt for university students was public, official policy. For example, Alberta readers may remember Mr. John Gogo, Advanced Education Minister back then, who had never been to university in his life and whose open antipathy towards the students culminated in him being hit with an egg at a rally in 1991. I also remember marching across the High-Level Bridge with several thousand others, and a piper leading, on a freezing cold day in March to protest government cutbacks.

Now, the only bit of that policy that it seems to me has changed is the "public" part. King Ralph and his Merry Men still don't seem to have a lot of interest in post-secondary education, except for the engineering faculty at the U. of A., which is rapidly becoming one of the finest in Canada. Which is fine; I'm in favour of engineering. Part of that is the Klein Government's legendary penny-pinching; Ralph doesn't like giving money to anything. But part of it also lies in a large segment of Alberta society that believes the "book-learnin'" is over-rated, and that students are just a bunch of long-haired idealistic lefties who "need to get out in the real world." One gets quite a lot of this if one happens to be, God forbid, doing an Arts degree. It really reminds me of the excellent quote from Blazing Saddles.

You've got to remember, that these are just simple farmers, these are people of the land, the common clay of the new west. You know . . . morons.

Anyway, it's a complex issue (one that would be a Hell of a lot less complex if our provincial government would drop the 'tude and realize that not everybody is interested in studying that which will make them the most money), and I'm babbling here, so I'll stop and go away.

If it ain't murky and grainy, it ain't a real punk pic!!


A couple of things going on today. First off, The General has done yeoman work on the subject of the little girl who was refused communion because she has Celiac disease. Yes, it actually happened. Secondly, The Dark Window's latest adventure into the heart of darkness that is the Christian t-shirt industry reminded me almost inevitably of this site. And now to do some of my own work...

It seems that they just can't resist dicking Kyle Young's family around some more:

Web Posted Aug 18 2004 11:46 AM MDT
Elevator fatality inquiry postponed

Edmonton - A fatality inquiry into the death of a 16-year-old boy who fell down a courthouse elevator shaft to his death has been delayed until January.

The inquiry, automatic when someone dies in custody, will now begin Jan. 10, rather than Sept. 27.

Lorena Young says she only heard about the delay in the inquiry into her son's death from the media.

"Maybe that's the way it works. But I was always under the impression when it was something like this that you would be notified by some authority, somewhere," she said.

Yes, you would expect that, wouldn't you. But you'd be forgetting that, in the eyes of the justice system and the police, your son was scum, and that therefore his death was no big deal. But yeah, fuck whoever it was who decided that keeping the victim's family out the loop was the decent way to go.

Kyle Young had just finished a court appearance on Jan. 22 and was being escorted through the building by guards when the incident happened. Shackled and handcuffed, he fell more than five storeys, becoming suspended by his neck from the structural bracket of the elevator shaft.

Justice Minister Dave Hancock said, after a review, that charges would not be laid against the two guards who were escorting Young when he died.

Police said there was insufficient evidence about what happened that day to proceed with any charges, and it has been determined Young's death wasn't criminal.

Not criminal? Not fucking criminal????? Ooooh, the mind simply boggles some days.

Hancock said the review showed that the guards used reasonable force, and that it was enough force while Young was against the elevator door to knock the door open and dislodge it.

Hancock said the doors met the building code and the investigation found they weren't faulty.

The eight inmate elevators at the courthouse have since been upgraded and new doors have been installed.

Ok Dave, if the guards used reasonable force, and the elevator doors weren't faulty, then could you please explain to the world, and mostly to his own fucking family, why Kyle Young is dead? If you can't even do that, then resign, because you are supposed to be the Minister of Justice and this happened on your watch.

You thought we were gone, but we're back, and there are bagpipes in the punk pic...


...and a real idiot at The Rant (not that that should come as any great steaming surprise). I came across this through the gentle and excellent ministry of Sadly, No!, which is duly added to the links bar.

Do Geeks Even Need Condoms?
Frederick Meekins
August 15, 2004

Through the wonder of supermarination, the Thunderbirds used fantastic gadgets, rockets, and futuristic vehicles to rescue those in harm’s way from the most harrowing circumstances. However, there is one thing even the famed international rescue team couldn’t save and that seems to be the nation’s declining moral values.

BHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! Ooh, that's priceless...

[snip]

Throughout sci-fi and comic book history, most superheroes have been known for defending uprightness and propriety. However, a new costumed character named “Trojan Man” epitomizes and spreads what some hope will become the new American way of loose living and promiscuity by getting condoms to amorous couples in the nick of time without even first ascertaining their matrimonial status.

[snip]

Ah, so that's what he's on about. And I can certainly see his point. After all, the wretched Trojan Man helps people out WITHOUT EVEN FIRST ASCERTAINING THEIR MATRIMONIAL STATUS!!!!!!!!!!!! Terrible!!! Won't somebody think of the children?

[snip]

The purpose of placing a condom ad on mid-Saturday morning could only be to alter the values of those seeing it and ultimately those of the broader society. It’s definitely not about profit or even product placement, for how many Geeks do you know in the market for quality prophylactic?

A number of things occur to me here:

1). A fair number of the Saturday morning cartoons are merely ads for high-calibre weaponry. If such is to be preferred over condom ads, please explain why kids dying is a better thing than kids practicing safe sex.

2). By this fellow's logic, since getting hit by a car is a bad thing, it necessarily follows that kids should under no circumstances be taught anything about road safety.

3). Most of the Geeks I know are actually married...

A wee punk pic this afternoon...


Edmonton leads the country in police chases
Last Updated Fri, 13 Aug 2004 14:00:49 EDT

EDMONTON - Police in Edmonton got into more car chases last year than in any other Canadian city, and more than twice as many as five years ago.

I'm not sure what to make of this, actually. While my general tendency would be to simply to put it down to the fact that the Edmonton Police have a reputation for being, shall we say, over-aggressive, the numbers are so strange that I think a deeper cause is required. What numbers, you ask? Well, here they are:

CAR CHASES IN 2003
Edmonton 232
Toronto 176
Montreal 142
Winnipeg 132
Vancouver 98
Calgary 70
Ottawa 31
Windsor 11

Now, there are a number of possibilities to consider here. First off, we don't know how the different cities tallied up the results. If one city included any incident where the pursuit broke 80 km/hr, and another only counted those that broke 120, that would make a striking difference. It's a distinct possibility, and one that can't be discounted until the actual methodology is seen.

The second possibility is that, in fact, the Edmonton Police are far too quick to stomp on the gas and head off in pursuit of other vehicles. Keeping in mind that those numbers are from 2003, when Chief Bob's extraordinarily confrontational attitude towards the general public was still official policy, this too is a possibility that cannot be shrugged off.

A third possibility is that Edmontonian criminals are far more likely to run away from the Police. I actually don't think this one has much validity, since the number of chases are so much greater for Edmonton, both raw and per capita, that this theory simply can't provide a decent explanation.

So, back where I started, I still don't know what to make of this. I'll be very interested to see this year's numbers, that's for sure. However, the one thing does spring to mind here; aren't we supposed to have a helicopter (maintained by our tax dollars and fueled entirely by Bob Layton's sense of self-righteousness) that was bought (in 2000, incidently) explicitly to help moderate the number and effect of high-speed police chases?

Off to the vaults for today's punk pic!


Just handed in my resignation letter here at work. Only two more weeks! I find myself oddly depressed at the prospect.

Sho' 'nuff, I went and read the Sun, and it destroyed my good mood entirely. Mostly because of this letter:

RE: KYLE Young. Can someone please tell me why all the bleeding-heart liberals are so consumed with trying to figure out why Kyle Young fell to his death? The elevator opened because Young made a bad decision. Young is the only one to blame and while he may not have deserved to die, he took a risk and forced the guards to use force.

Dean Heald

Just sit back and look at that steaming pile of manure for a second, and then we'll rip this thing to pieces bit-by-bit. Finished? Ok...

RE: KYLE Young. Can someone please tell me why all the bleeding-heart liberals are so consumed with trying to figure out why Kyle Young fell to his death?

Because we find it disturbing when large armed people in positions of authority get together and abuse that authority to the extent that a child ends up dead. The fact that we "bleeding hearts" find that disturbing, and that you do not, is entirely because we are smarter and better people than you in every imaginable way. We are better-looking, better-smelling, more intelligent, wiser, and far more pleasant to be around, and we have better sex with better people. You, Dean Heald, are a mere scumbag, with no redeeming features whatsoever.

The elevator opened because Young made a bad decision.

No, dimwit. First of all, the elevator did not open, it had its door bashed in. The instrument with which the door was bashed in was a teenaged boy, and the wielder of said instrument was a jail guard. Fuck me, even the police have admitted that much.

Young is the only one to blame and while he may not have deserved to die, he took a risk and forced the guards to use force.

May not have deserved to die? Try 100%, rock-solid certainly did not deserve to die. And what do you mean he "forced the guards to use force" (nice prose by the way, asshole). A kid who weighed less than 100 lbs. and was chained up put two, presumeably trained, law enforcement professionals in a position where they could find no other solution but to kill him? What did he do, shoot lasers out of his eyes? If you're right, and the guards had no other option but to use "reasonable" force, then doesn't that say that they're incompetent? Did you mean to insult the guards like that?

Ahhh... I feel better now. I bet Kyle Young's family doesn't, though.

"Niftacious" is a word I did not make up (I googled it and got "about 9" results!), and it certainly applies to today's punk pic!!


Niftacious Technological News From Across the Pond (No, the Other Pond)

Japan unfurls solar sail in space

Japan has unfurled a delicate solar sail in space, a device which some scientists believe could enable travel to far away planets.

The Japanese Institute of Space Astronautical Science (ISAS) has tested two sails aboard its S-310-34 rocket.

In theory, solar sails reflect light particles from the Sun, gaining momentum in the opposite direction to propel spacecraft forward.

Some hope solar sails will one day help humans travel to the stars.

Fun stuff. If this technology is all it's cracked up to be, then someday we might be able to go here:



or here:



and most certainly here:



In the meantime, go here and be in awe of pictures from the Hubble telescope.

I seem to be in a good mood today. Must be the drugs. Or the fact that I haven't read the Sun yet.

Just installed a counter. Now I'll know how many times I've looked at this page. Wheeeee!

Today's punk pic (no idea who the girl is...)


So we all showed up for work this morning to be greeted by the sight of about 6 police cars outside the building. These were not yer Campus 5-0 types either, we're talking about real cops. Anyway, it turns out that a body (!) turned up in the theatre in our building. It's now been ruled a suicide, I believe, but further updates will be presented as events warrant.

Not much new and exciting in the world today, except that it turns out that Molly Ivins has been vacationing in Alberta.

Yes, this is a punk picture...


On the plus side, there's a good column in the Edmonton Sun today:

It's tough being a kid today
By Paul Whitney -- For the Edmonton Sun

A couple of American kids, tourists, visiting Hogtown last week, were cut up in a stupid fracas with a Canadian kid.

Like most people hearing this story, I was shocked but secretly glad that our side came out on top. It involved a knife. Front-page stuff.

Yesterday I was stopped at a light, watching a kid on a skateboard learning new and stylish ways to hurt himself. He was wearing the obligatory boarder gear: Oakley wraparound shades, baggy surfer shorts, headphones, baseball cap on backwards and a knife. It wasn't a very big stiletto knife, probably even a semi-legal three- or four-inch blade. It wasn't concealed either. He wasn't wearing his T-shirt and the blade was clipped to his waist band on an upside- down quick-draw holster.

In a refreshing change from what jaded folks like myself have come to expect from Sun writers, Whitney complete fails to come to the conclusion that curfews, incarceration, enforced Bible study, or the execution of all single mothers are the answer to young people packing weapons, and just gently notes that it is tough being a youth these days, and that maybe the young man has a reason to carry a knife. He also fails to demonstrate any of the shrieking terror that usually emanates from right-wing columnists dealing with the young. So, well done Mr. Whitney.

It is worth pointing, as an addendum to the column, that the troubles potentially facing you young people these days in Edmonton include being hurled down elevator shafts by jail guards in what the authorities later tell your grieving family is a "reasonable" use of force, and having a prominent local business shithead, with police backing, campaign to have your (relatively) safe, alcohol-free, after-hours hangouts shut down because he thinks you're cutting into his bottom line. Reasons to carry a knife indeed.

To close, lest one think that the Sun chain of newspapers is completely cured of silliness, the Calgary version ran a Ted Byfield column this past weekend, entitled (I shit you not, here) "We're Different From Them." Now isn't that the subject of every single column that Ted Byfield or indeed any of that clan has ever written?

On the plus side, the new DVD player works great, and me mum is very happy with it!

If'n you have to ask who this is...


Felt like crap most of today, but that didn't stop me going out and buying... (wait for it) a DVD player!! It's a b-day present for me mum, and the end goal here is to make sure that it can be hooked up along with the VCR, instead of replacing it. Tomorrow will tell all...

I'm changing over from Haloscan to the Blogger comments feature, so expect some tweaking on that over the next week or so, since I'm still not a million percent happy with how it looks. This is pretty much just a test post for the new comments, so scroll on down to read about the iniquities of Charlie Daniels, among other things.

This is not a punk picture...


Charlie Daniels angers Arab community
By Associated Press

DEARBORN, Mich. (AP) -- Charlie Daniels, the man who wrote and sang "This Ain't No Rag, It's a Flag," is drawing heat from Arab-Americans who say it refers to a derogatory term used against them.
Daniels, 67, is scheduled to perform Saturday in Dearborn, the center of southeastern Michigan's 300,000-member Arab-American community.

Ah yes, the Charlie Daniels phenomenon. Really, need we say more? No, but we're going to...

After the Sept. 11 terror attacks, Daniels wrote and recorded the song, which became a country hit.

It begins:

"This ain't no rag, it's a flag and we don't wear it on our heads. It's a symbol of the land where the good guys live. Are you listening to what I said?"

No, Charlie, according to the picture above you wear it to cover your bloated, pasty torso. For which we're all grateful, trust me. And then there's this lovely site, which seems to give the lie to Mr. Daniels.

On Saturday, the Charlie Daniels Band will perform at the city-sponsored Homecoming Festival.

[snippage]

Daniels says the song is not directed at Arabs and Muslims in general, just at turbaned terrorists like Osama bin Laden.

"It's not anti-Arab or anti-anything," he said Wednesday by phone from Tennessee, where he lives. "The only thing it's `anti' is the people who bombed us on 9/11. I have people who say you're putting down people who wear turbans. I'm not."

"There are good Arabs and bad Arabs, good Greeks and bad Greeks, good people and bad people in any race," Daniels said. "I'm not a racist person. I came up during the old Jim Crow days. I know what racism is."

Yes, Charlie does indeed know what racism is.

Another lovely punk pic...



I present to you today an excellent column, from, of all sources, the Calgary Sun, not known for being in editorial lock-step with Oi! Thump!. In said column Mr. Bill Kaufmann says pretty much everything I've ever thought about the gay marriage issue, and he says with refreshingly sharp humour (read: sarcasm). Anyway, here it be:

Married strife
Same-sex marriage has failed to end the world as we know it
By BILL KAUFMANN -- Calgary Sun

It's now August and still we wait for the end of the world.

But surely the same-sex marriage four horsemen of the apocalypse are still on their malignant way.

Still, after mass homosexual marriages in San Francisco and Boston earlier this year and a spate of them in Canada, no pestilence has emerged, or so it seems.

People, even married heterosexuals, are still going on summer vacation and violent crime rates have still plunged.

Hmmm...Punkalicious...


So, I'm desperately trying to come up with a topic for a Directed Reading course, to be done over e-mail with my supervisor in Italy this fall. So far it looks like something related to the Roman Economy in the 3rd Century A.D.

Not much else going on today. However:

Veteran cop charged
PAUL COWAN, EDMONTON SUN

A 26-year-veteran of the Edmonton Police Service has been charged in connection with a shooting incident on the city's north side in March. City police launched the investigation after it was claimed an officer blinded with pepper spray opened fire on a fleeing suspect March 1 in the area of 128 Street and 129 Avenue.

Apparently the officer in question opened fire AFTER he'd been shot in the eyes with pepper spray. I'm sure his fellow officers appreciated a half-blind, panicked man blasting away in their immediate vicinity. On the plus side, under chief Bob there is no damn way this would have gone to court.

Generic Punk Related Photograph of the Day



Well, I know I've been away for a bit here, but I am back, and set to blog again... Hooray. Part of the reason that I haven't been posting much is that I took some time off and took a little jaunt to British Columbia to watch some exhibition soccer. I stayed in a wonderful place on South Granville in Vancouver, with a strip joint for a pub and glue-sniffers in the parking lot. The soccer was good, and the bus trip there and back actually bearable. And, with that, not a hell of a lot else has been going on, except that we're absolutely swamped at work. However, a couple of wee things have come to my attention. First off:


Friendly fire bomber denied his final appeal
AP AND CP

NEW ORLEANS -- The Illinois National Guard pilot who mistakenly bombed Canadian troops in Afghanistan, killing four and wounding eight, lost his last U.S. air force appeal yesterday. The commander of Air Combat Command at Langley Air Force Base in Virginia upheld the punishment ordered last month for Maj. Harry Schmidt - a severe reprimand and loss of a month's pay.
Schmidt, 39, who was found guilty of dereliction of duty, also has agreed that he will never fly U.S. air force jets again, although he remains in the National Guard.

As I think I've said before, for my money, the flying ban is the big part of this story. Some people up here are upset at the small size of his fine, but I couldn't care less about that. Nothing's going to bring our boys back, so all we can really ask for is reassurance that dumbass will never again be able to fly a heavily-armed aircraft.

And secondly, big and very very very late propz to these guys:



Yes, as everybody who cares is already well aware, unheralded Greece won the 2004 European soccer championship. I should also mention that Brazil defeated arch-rivals Argentina for the Copa America. Again, not news.