Wednesday, June 30, 2004

Best of the Summer Whine

And so, after Monday's election, the air in Alberta is once again filled with the sound of conservatives pissing and moaning. Oddly but observantly enough, much of this is directed at our very own Ralph Klein, who is being blamed for much the voting public's reluctance to go blue. Anyway, although we here at Oi! Thump! are not big Liberal supporters, we're even less sympathetic to the conservatives, and do enjoy listening to the gnashing of their teeth, the crying of their children, and the lamentation of their women. It was my idea to do an overview of some of the worst whining, but the volume of material available defeated me, and so I am merely picking the best of the lot, a letter that appeared in today's Calgary Sun. Here it is, with snide annotations:

Once again the East, led by Ontario, has shown it is intolerant of democracy and freedom of discussion.

Ah yes, once again, the "intolerant of democracy" have graphically demonstrated their intolerance by exercising their right to vote. Bastards! And buddy, the Conservatives lost the election because some of their candidates were a little too free in their discussion of certain social issues.

They favour (it would appear) corruption and control. The West merely exists to be plundered by eastern commissars for their benefit.

Why then, do scads of easterners come out here to work, instead of staying back there and growing fat off the fruits of our labours? Because your entire premise is bullshit, that's why. And if you're interested in commissars, check out the provincial tories.

The Liberals and NDP will unleash upon this country a tax and spend policy the likes of which has never been seen or experienced.

Goodness me, I hope so...

The West will be devastated. Easterners will smirk and revel in their mastery. The West faces some challenging questions and options.

The above is the best part of this letter. "Easterners will smirk and revel in their mastery"??!! That's awesome prose, dude (he said, smirking and reveling).

For instance, do we wish our children to be raised to adulthood by state nurseries?

Uh, where did that come from?

The West is emerging both as a political and an economic power. Given the opportunity, we could equal or better some of the world's leading democracies.

Hey wait! I thought you said we existed only to be plundered by commissars! That doesn't sound like a political or economic power. Oh wait, I forgot, you're stupid, whiny, and hypocritical. Carry on, sir.

A better future is possible. This 2004 election has proven it is time to go.

Rick Plesnik


Whaaaah!!! Whaaah!! Those horrible Ontarians won't vote like I tell them to!! Whaaah!! Whaaah! I'm taking my ball and going home!! Well Rick, you can indeed go if you wish; I daresay you won't be missed, and it will make a better future for all of us much more possible. Of course, your words would be that much more profound, and your threat of separation more dire, if we didn't hear them every single fucking time things didn't go exactly the way the Alberta-firsters wanted. Bunch of crybabies, the lot of them...

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