Lame Moments in Sports Nos. 17-102

86 baseball players singled out as having taken performance-enhancing drugs (warning: link opens a PDF). 86!!!! Now, this is, of course, not as horrendous a thing, as, say, this horrendous thing, but it's still a bit of a shock, and baseball fans have got to be a pretty angry bunch today. Two current Blue Jays were mentioned: Troy Glaus (this suprised nobody - he'd been under investigation since late last season) and Gregg Zaun (whom I'd thought better of). Some of the other players named, with my comments:

Roger Clemens: Probably the biggest name mentioned.

Andy Pettite: This did surprise me, as Pettite's always had a fairly squeaky-clean image.

Miguel Tejada: Ooooh, the Houston Astros are pissed off today! Exactly one day after they traded for the guy, he's outed as having purchased (and presumably used) PEDs.

John Rocker: Bigot, homophobe, and now cheat. Rocker's a real quality guy...

Joe Carter: Was not mentioned in the report, thankfully! I'd hate to see the gloriousness of this tarnished (I'd point out that Carlos Delgado was not mentioned either - hooray!):

Lame Moments in Sports #16

So long, farewell
Final Lynx game means end of Triple-A ball in Canada
Posted: Monday September 3, 2007 4:42PM;

OTTAWA (AP) -- The Ottawa Lynx played their final game Monday, joining in the funereal footsteps of ballclubs that once played in Calgary, Vancouver, Winnipeg and Edmonton.

The Triple-A affiliate for the Philadelphia Phillies finished up with an 8-5 loss to the Syracuse Chiefs at nearly filled Lynx Stadium. Next year the team will move to a new home in Allentown, Pa., leaving the Toronto Blue Jays as the sole Canadian baseball team above Single-A ball.

This has been inevitable for the better part of five years now, but it's still rather sad. One hopes someday to see the trend reversed, but it ain't gonna be soon (and it's going to be never if the Canadian clubs in the Northern League don't start pulling in bigger numbers - Edmonton Crackercats, I'm looking at you).

So What Did We Miss?

As is usual for the weeks when I'm too busy to do much blogging, this past one was eventful. Let's see:

• Ralph Klein announced that, instead of hanging around clinging to power like a particularly clingy leech, he's going to resign. In a few months. You know, after he does some more powery sort of stuff.
  
  
• Preston Manning apparently wants Klein's job, and rather surprisingly, is early leader in polls taken this week. Oi! Thump! remains skeptical; for one thing, the polls only show that Manning would win the first ballot, so a lot would depend on who a lot of the delegates' second choice is.
  
  
• The explosion at the Toronto Tim Horton's was apparently a suicide.
  
  
• The baseball season began. This is good.
  

Undies...


Ok, time for a sports break here at Oi! Thump!. Not long ago, Mr. Barry Bonds of the San Francisco Giants Baseball Club (Est. 1883) hit the 700th Home Run of his illustrious career. And then, what has sadly become inevitable in such situations occurred...

Dispute over a Bonds home run arises again
Associated Press

SAN FRANCISCO -- The San Francisco Giants fan who caught Barry Bonds' 700th homer is being sued by another man who says he was the rightful owner of the prized ball, which he maintains was stolen from him during a mad scramble.

According to a restraining order to be filed in state court Tuesday, Timothy Murphy said Steve Williams stole the historic blast from him during a melee in the left-center bleachers at SBC Park on Sept. 17.

There is a solution for this sort of thing, you know. And here it is - the The Official Oi! Thump! Guide to Resolving Disputes Over Historic Baseballs:

1. If any one of the disputants is under 13 years of age, that person shall be awarded the baseball. In addition, if any of the disputants are under 13 years of age, any disputants over the age of 25 will be charged with assault.

2. If two or more of the disputants are under 13 years of age, the ball will be awarded to them jointly.

3. If any of the disputants are over the age of 40, they shall automatically be disqualified from any stake in the ball. And they shall be mocked.

4. Any disputant who uses any equipment other than a standard-issue baseball glove to attempt to catch the ball will be disqualified from any stake in the ball.

5. If there are no disputants under 13 years of age, the remaining disputants between the ages of 13 and 39 (inc.) shall be made to write an essay on the history and significance of baseball. The length of said essay will depend on the writer's age as follows: 13-19 y.o. = 2500 words, 20-29 y.o. = 5000 words, 30-39 y.o. = 10,000 words. The essays will be judged by a panel of baseball writers, and the winner will be given custody of the ball.

See, not too difficult...

Could It Be?

I got muy excited this morning when I saw this headline...

Bush faces several charges following arrest

And then I remembered I was reading ESPN. Dammit! Anyway, another budding young professional athlete makes an ass of himself.

Bliss!!!





WWE Hall of Fame calls on Rose
Associated Press
3/2/2004

NEW YORK (AP) - Pete Rose will be inducted into World Wrestling Entertainment's hall of fame later this month.

This story made me run around the room banging my hands together like a trained seal. How perfect is this? Pete Rose, supposedly attempting to convince folks that he's a wonderful, honest, hard-working, stand-up guy who oh-so-deserves reinstatement to Major League Baseball, is now going to accept money to be inducted into the Hall of Fame of a sport wherein the results are pretermined. Yeah, this is going to go over real well...