Ok, time for a sports break here at Oi! Thump!. Not long ago, Mr. Barry Bonds of the San Francisco Giants Baseball Club (Est. 1883) hit the 700th Home Run of his illustrious career. And then, what has sadly become inevitable in such situations occurred...
Dispute over a Bonds home run arises again
SAN FRANCISCO -- The San Francisco Giants fan who caught Barry Bonds' 700th homer is being sued by another man who says he was the rightful owner of the prized ball, which he maintains was stolen from him during a mad scramble.
According to a restraining order to be filed in state court Tuesday, Timothy Murphy said Steve Williams stole the historic blast from him during a melee in the left-center bleachers at SBC Park on Sept. 17.
There is a solution for this sort of thing, you know. And here it is - the The Official Oi! Thump! Guide to Resolving Disputes Over Historic Baseballs:
1. If any one of the disputants is under 13 years of age, that person shall be awarded the baseball. In addition, if any of the disputants are under 13 years of age, any disputants over the age of 25 will be charged with assault.
2. If two or more of the disputants are under 13 years of age, the ball will be awarded to them jointly.
3. If any of the disputants are over the age of 40, they shall automatically be disqualified from any stake in the ball. And they shall be mocked.
4. Any disputant who uses any equipment other than a standard-issue baseball glove to attempt to catch the ball will be disqualified from any stake in the ball.
5. If there are no disputants under 13 years of age, the remaining disputants between the ages of 13 and 39 (inc.) shall be made to write an essay on the history and significance of baseball. The length of said essay will depend on the writer's age as follows: 13-19 y.o. = 2500 words, 20-29 y.o. = 5000 words, 30-39 y.o. = 10,000 words. The essays will be judged by a panel of baseball writers, and the winner will be given custody of the ball.
See, not too difficult...