Holding Their Feet to the Fire

Kyoto bill forced through parliament
By ALEXANDER PANETTA

OTTAWA (CP) - The country sailed toward uncharted constitional waters following a vote in the Commons to force the Conservative government to respect Canada's commitments under the Kyoto accord.

The three opposition parties overpowered the minority government in adopting legislation that - upon approval by the Senate - gives the Tories just 60 days to table a plan to meet Kyoto's greenhouse-gas targets.

Ok, first of all, a slap upsides the head for c-news. What the hell do you mean "forced through parliament?" The bill was put to a vote, and passed. Yes, it's somewhat unusual for an opposition backbencher's bill to pass, and yes, the Tories tried to have it thrown out on a technicality, but that bill was no more "forced" through than any other bill.

Secondly, in case you were wondering how sincere the Tories' new-found environmentalism is, here you go:

But the government hinted strongly that it would simply ignore the law, and would be prepared to face any resulting lawsuits or even a non-confidence motion that could cause an election.

And now you know.

It's Panicin' Time!

Shorter Neil Waugh: "Heads up Alberta! The U.N., the eastern news media, Stephen Harper, and John Baird are coming for your money!"

Fun though it is to watch conservatives mauling their own, I think we're all going to be very tired, very soon, of the complaining coming out of this province. If we're not already, that is.

Fine Alberta-Grade Wingnuttery, With A Side of Industry Whining

Shorter Neil Waugh: That fucking treehugger Harper is in league with Greenpeace to make me pay more for burgers.

Normally, I'd leave it at that, but I'd like to take a closer look at one part of Waugh's article:

Down in the Ozarks yesterday, the Alberta Tories' favourite meat packer, Tyson Foods, was also crying the blues. And not just because the "beef segment" continued to lose money in the first quarter. Largely to blame for its $23-million deficit was "operating losses at the company's Lakeside operation in Canada."

But Tyson CEO Richard Bond had a more urgent problem to discuss with shareholders.

"The dramatic rise in corn prices has become a major issue," he sighed. And while he said he "fully supports efforts toward renewable energy," Bond also warned of the "negative and unintended consequences of overusing grains."

First of all, while the overuse of crops for biofuel can cause problems, that has been recognized and those problems are being dealt with. Secondly, screw Tyson Foods. That would be this Tyson Foods:

Tyson Foods has forced thousands of workers into the cold and onto picket lines at the company’s plant in Brooks, Alberta. About 2,300 UFCW Canada Local 401 workers at the Lakeside Packers plant had no other choice but to strike on October 12, 2005, after the company rejected a provincial mediator’s contract agreement. Workers are asking for basic human rights and safety protection on the job, but have only been met with violence and racism on the picket line.

These workers, many of them refugees from Sudan and Somalia and immigrants from Nigeria, have been attacked on the picket line and subjected to racist jeers. Three were sent to the hospital after being beaten and left writhing in a ditch beside the road. The Local 401 president was also hospitalized when his car was run off the road by Tyson officials, who have since been charged with dangerous diving.

And, just in case you're wondering how bad things could be in a factory in Alberta in 2005, here's another excerpt, from that report:

Godwin Iwanegba, a Tyson employee, illustrates the fight for dignity when he says, “I begged to use the washroom and my boss said 'No', so I ended up wetting myself and standing in my own urine for the rest of the work shift. Later I was disciplined for filing a complaint about what happened.”

For more than a decade, Tyson Foods has operated Lakeside Packers with some of the highest injury rates of any industrialized plant in North America. Many workers have been seriously injured and over the years, scores of workers have been left with permanent injuries and disabilities from working the Lakeside line. The company has refused to agree to a fair contract, leaving workers with the bleak choice of having to strike or return to work at a reprehensible workhouse that has chewed through 100,000 workers over the last 10 years.

Fortunately, the strike did get resolved more-or-less happily. Nonetheless, it'll be awhile before I, and a whole lot of other Albertans, are really ready to put up with any moaning from Tyson Foods on the subject of their bottom line.

You... Are... Outta Here!

Yes, well, as expected, Rona "We Mean Business" Ambrose got turfed from the Environment Portfolio today, and shuffled off to baby-sit the provincial governments via the Intergovernmental Affairs portfolio. By the way, Rona, thanks for the calendar! Indeed, the mail this morning contained a lovely 2007 wall calendar featuring pictures of, well, Rona Ambrose (no, not that kind of picture; get your mind out of the gutter!). Yes, the freakin' Minister of the Environment sent out a multi-page unsolicited vanity mass-mailing to about 40,000 households. Anyway, what of her replacement? It's this guy. My first impression is pretty much "meh." He's apparently a "rising star" in the Conservative party, whatever that means (Ed.: It means he's going to end up in intergovernmental affairs, and soon), and he shares his party's unhealthy obsession with the Liberals. Beyond that, hard to say at this time.

However, the ritual sacrifice of Rona Ambrose was not the only thing going on, cabinet-wise, today. Let's take a look at the other moves, shall we?

Rob Nicholson: from House leader to justice minister and attorney general. Ok, fine, whatever. At least Vic Toews isn't in there anymore.

Vic Toews: from justice minister to president of the Treasury Board. This is a good move, if only because it is hard to imagine a person less suited to being justice minister than Vic Toews.

Monte Solberg: from Immigration to Human Resources and Social Development. The idea of Monte Solberg and "social development" being mentioned in the same sentence is hilarious. However, he'll do less harm there than in Immigration, which requires one not to pal around with foaming racists.

Peter Van Loan: from Intergovernmental Affairs and sport to government House leader and democratic reform minister. I don't know much about this fellow, except that he seems to have close ties to the Baltic nations.

Diane Finley: from Human Resources to Citizenship and Immigration. She's been fairly quiet in parliament, although she did get up and blather against same-sex marriage a couple of times.

Harper also made Jason Kenney Dogsbody Secretary of State for multiculturalism and Canadian identity. He did this because he needed, once more, to demonstrate his unbridled contempt for Canada and Canadians in general.

Hello Again!

Well, we're back. And where were we, you ask? Buried in end-of-term stuff, we respond. However, the exams have been marked, the marks submitted, and life returns to a semblance of normal. So what did we miss? Some of the highlights, so to speak, of the last couple of weeks:

Ed Stelmach becomes premier of Alberta. The official Oi! Thump! position on this is that it could have been worse. Oh boy could it have been worse! And now we'll have the fun of watching Stelmach try to find a place for Ted Morton where he won't be able to do too much damage. Don't be surprised if Morton ends up running for the Alberta Alliance at some point in the future.

Stephane Dion became leader of the federal Liberals. Um, ok. A surprising choice, and there are questions about his electability, particularly in the West. However, once again, it could have been worse.

Parliament refused to ditch same-sex marriage. Not that they had much of a choice. Anyway, the next day, the sun amazingly rose in the East and set in the West, and has continued doing so since. Some people are still refusing to take the hint, though.

The Iraq Study Group recommended that George W. Bush do a number of highly reasonable things to rectify that situation. He will, of course, do none of them.

Rona Ambrose made a rather amusing Freudian slip. "These are the kinds of things we can show Canadians that we mean business when it comes to our environmental agenda," said Ambrose. Yes Rona, we know that your government has business, along with heavy industry, at the heart of its environmental policies.

Anyway, stay tuned for Friday Archaeology Blogging!

Hopes Cruelly Dashed

Somedays, I have to admit to wondering whether the Edmonton Sun isn't actually getting its shit together (Not the Calgary version however; when your starting lineup features Byfield, Levant, Byfield, Corbella, and Henry, among others, you're past hope). However, whenever I start feeling too warm and fuzzy towards that rag, they run another Michael Jenkinson column, and order is restored. I will spare you most of the gory details, but I need to address a couple of points directly to Mr. Jenkinson.

Mike:

1. Do not try to be funny. You will fail, and make yourself look like an even bigger prat than you actually are, which is difficult thought apparently not impossible.

2. You may just have won some sort of award for the lamest attempt to refute global warming. Congratulations.

3. As a corollary to point 2: While it is indeed ludicrous to think that the wood fires of prehistoric human beings caused episodes of global warming in the distant past, that does not mean it is similarly ludicrous to attribute modern global warming to human activity. For one thing, there are more of us now, and for another, we have more cars.

4. Go away.

Oh That's Just Swell...

First noted this over at donkey o.d., which I don't visit nearly enough...

Global warming: passing the 'tipping point'
Our special investigation reveals that critical rise in world temperatures is now unavoidable
By Michael McCarthy, Environment Editor
Published: 11 February 2006

A crucial global warming "tipping point" for the Earth, highlighted only last week by the British Government, has already been passed, with devastating consequences.

Research commissioned by The Independent reveals that the accumulation of greenhouse gases in the atmosphere has now crossed a threshold, set down by scientists from around the world at a conference in Britain last year, beyond which really dangerous climate change is likely to be unstoppable.

I'd be all, like, worried and shit about this except that we have the good folks at the Association of British Drivers (WTF? - ed.), who have absolutely no agenda here whatsoever, no sir, to tell us that global warming doesn't exist. Them and the Bush adminstration.

Dammit!

Lost whale dies after rescue bid

A whale that became stranded in the River Thames has died after a massive rescue attempt to save its life.

In Other Whale-Related News...

...we present this:

Lost whale 'seen heading for sea'

A possible sighting of a whale in the River Thames near Greenwich has given fresh hope that it may soon reach the sea and ultimately safety.
Fears had been growing for the 16-18ft (5m) northern bottle-nosed whale which came as far upstream as Chelsea.

Chelsea is a long way up the Thames. Go whale!!

They Ran Out of Dog Crap and Paper Bags

Dead whale left outside embassy

A huge beached whale has been dumped outside the Japanese embassy in Berlin in a Greenpeace anti-whaling protest.

I, personally, think this is awesome.

I Really Want To See This Bird...

Researcher: Early Man Was Hunted by Birds
By ALEXANDRA ZAVIS, Associated Press Writer
Thu Jan 12, 1:27 PM ET

JOHANNESBURG, South Africa - A South African anthropologist said Thursday his research into the death nearly 2 million years ago of an ape-man shows human ancestors were hunted by birds.

And then there's this:

Taiwan breeds green-glowing pigs
By Chris Hogg
BBC News, Hong Kong

Scientists in Taiwan say they have bred three pigs that "glow in the dark".



Because what the world has been lacking since the dawn of civilization is glow-in-the-dark animals...

'Tis the Season to be Optimistic

Via Alternet:

2005 Wasn't All Bad
By Katha Pollitt, The Nation. Posted January 3, 2006.
Bush is on the defensive. The GOP is mired in corruption. The media are waking up. Here are 14 good things that happened in 2005.

All year long it's been one piece of bad news after another, but now it's time to put on the rose-colored glasses and list some of the good things that happened in 2005.

Indeedy. And I'd add a couple to the list:

15) On the local front, it seems that the national (and even international) embarassment that has been the EPS for the last few years may be getting better. We've got a new chief, and his plan to improve matters seems to involve (Shock! Horror!) talking to citizens.

16) Nationally, we finally joined a handful of other progressive nations and legalized gay marriage. Decriminalization of marijuana fell by the wayside, but 1 out of two at leasts indicates some progress in ridding ourselves of some of our dumber laws.

17) Oil drilling in the Alaska National Wildlife Refuge got shot down. Twice. In a year that included drowning polar bears and nearly-extinct bengal tigers, we'll take what we can get.

Another Tragic Victim of the Global Warming Myth

Permafrost melting, landscape changes forecast: study
Last Updated Wed, 28 Dec 2005 15:48:21 EST
CBC News

The North could experience collapsing buildings, washed-out roads and fallen trees as surface permafrost melts in the next 100 years, an American researcher warns.

Up to 90 per cent of the area of perennially frozen soil could disappear in the Yukon by 2100, according to Andrew Slater, a member of the U.S. National Snow and Ice Data Center at the University of Colorado.

Yeesh. All this so-called "Andrew Slater" has got is "scientific evidence," "empirical data," "proof," and such-like. Craig Read says that global warming is junk science, and he hates Muslims, so he must be right.

Somebody's Grumpy...

...about the rape of the ANWR being blocked, again, at least for now:

Days of Infamy

And you know, you just know, that this is gonna be good.

I’m an environmentalist – really – maybe not by your terms, but certainly by mine.

By my terms I'm an astronaut.

I am also a United States cheerleader and I abhor the words and actions of people such as former President Bill Clinton who publicly disparage the United States and its government to the rest of the world. I support the Nature Conservancy, my environmentalist clients, and the Michigan organizations that preserve our environment.

'Cause only the Michigan environment is worth protecting. Fuck you, Alaskans!

[snippage]

Now today, the Senate has blocked oil drilling in ANWR, thus determining for our future and for the future of our children that we will be eternally dependent on energy from other nations. And, energy from other nations determines the fate of the United States. As long as we have to have something that the rest of the world can barter to us, we leave our country open to the control of other nations. Limited drilling that is already occurring in Alaska has demonstrated no adverse affects on animals or the environment.

Try alternative energy sources, dumbass. That way, not only will your future and the future of your children not be dependent on other nations, but you and your children will not die coughing up lumps of black phlegm, vainly trying to suck one more breath through the scar tissue that used to be your and your children's lungs. Think of it as a wee bonus.


Why does this horrible woman from Michigan want us dead?"

Look Quick III

Tigers in India could be wiped out
New Delhi | December 19, 2005 12:01:13 AM IST

A survey of India's tiger population, also known as Royal Bengal tigers, could be as low as 1,500 and they could be wiped out in 10 years.

God fucking dammit. I've always, since I was a wee tot, been somewhat worried that the last tiger would die in my lifetime, but it's still depressing to see the news that it's relatively imminent, at least as far as the bengal tiger is concerned.

Look Quick, Redux

Is Global Warming Killing the Polar Bears?
By JIM CARLTON
Staff Reporter of THE WALL STREET JOURNAL
December 14, 2005; Page B1

It may be the latest evidence of global warming: Polar bears are drowning.

Scientists for the first time have documented multiple deaths of polar bears off Alaska, where they likely drowned after swimming long distances in the ocean amid the melting of the Arctic ice shelf. The bears spend most of their time hunting and raising their young on ice floes.

Oh, but it couldn't possibly be global warming; after all, Craig assures us that the entire thing is "baloney," and if you can't believe a self-loathing racist, who can you believe?

Look Quick

Found this story over here.

New legal bid to save spotted owl
Last updated Dec 6 2005 01:13 PM PST
CBC News

A coalition of B.C. environmental groups has launched legal action in a bid to get the federal government to step in and save the northern spotted owl from logging.

Ten years ago, there were 100 breeding pairs in southwestern B.C. Now there are just 23 owls left. And the environmentalists warn that if the logging isn't stopped, the birds will be extinct by 2010.

Of course, we must lay the blame for this at the feet of multinational timber concerns, globalization run amok, and so on, mustn't we? Actually:

The B.C. government, through its Timber Sales Program, is the largest logger in owl habitat.

And folks, that's what happens when you let right-wing governments do want they want: they shit the bed, absolutely 100% of the time (yes, I know the B.C. government is nominally the Liberals, but they're B.C.'s right-wing alternative to the NDP, under whom things would not have got to this stage). Anyway, I'm very sorry to have distracted all those folks out doing the vital work of protecting Christmas trees from atheists, but I felt this needed to be pointed out.

I Aten't Dead, with apologies to Granny Weatherwax and the many, many, people who have already used that line to introduce a return to regular blogging.

Anyway, what'd we miss?

Well, Paul Martin put the Shrub administration into a snit by daring, daring, to criticize them on climate change. And with what fiery, over-the-top, rhetoric did he do this thing? Well, he said this:

"To the reticent nations, including the United States, I'd say this: there is such a thing as a global conscience, and now is the time to listen to it. Now is the time to join with others in our global community."

Oooooh, burn, baby. Yeesh. And, this just in: Our latest Paul Cellucci clone has expressed patronizing outrage over the incident, which was to be expected. I was actually worried a little bit about David Wilkins; he was being a little too, you know, ambassadorial. Good to see that that's all cleared up now. Anyway, the usual suspects knuckled under right away, of course.

Furthermore, the war on Christmas opened a Northern front,and the Forces of Stupidity recruited an actual living dinosaur to represent them, However, this whole ridiculous situation has turned out the best, without a doubt the best, piece of rantage to come along in the last month or so (Still not as good as Molly's take on Texas manhood, thought). Anyway, go, read, enjoy.

And that's about all for now.

Save Us! Oh Gods Above, Save Us!!

Ok, I should be working on my term papers right now, but this was too good to pass up. Apparently, there's somebody new movin' up the ol' food chain (condolences to the poor dog...).


"Raaaaaaahh!! TREMBLE, PUNY ONES!!!!!"


"What are you gaping at, slave? LOWER YOUR EYES!!!"


The last thing many a brave human warrior will ever see...


"I...AM....YOUR...GOD!!!!!!"

In the months and years to come, as we bow in homage and give up our first-born children to our cruel squirrel overlords, just remember that you read it on Oi! Thump! first.

Mildly Good News, Everybody!

This bit actually came as a complete surprise to me; I was under the impression that drilling in the ANWR had, in fact, already begun.

U.S. House drops Alaska oil drilling plan
Last Updated Thu, 10 Nov 2005 13:15:58 EST
CBC News

Environmentalists have won a temporary victory after Republican moderates forced leaders in the U.S. House of Representatives to abandon a controversial plan to open up an Alaskan wildlife refuge to oil drilling.


Note absence of oil derricks.


Now, this isn't over yet - there's still a chance that Bush and friends will get to indulge their mad obsession with raping this particular bit of the environment - but it's a good sign all in all.