The World's Smallest Violin Plays Just For Craig Chandler

Rejected Tory candidate declares Independent run
Last Updated: Monday, December 17, 2007 | 12:42 PM MT
CBC News

Rejected provincial Tory candidate Craig Chandler announced Monday he will run as an Independent in Calgary-Egmont.

Probably inevitable. Chandler, in fact, is bringing along a few of his fellow fundamentalist travellers to run in some other Calgary ridings. This will mean that, in some ridings, there will be essentially FOUR parties hunting for the hard-right vote: the PCs, the Alberta Alliance, the Wildrose Party, and the Chandlerite Front. Can you say "internecine," boys and girls?

Chandler promised to launch a human rights complaint against the Tories, alleging they were intolerant by rejecting his candidacy and religious beliefs.

"I think because I have those views I am being persecuted," he said.

Poor man! Barred from running for office in Calgary-Egmont, this victim of horrid religious persecution has been reduced to, um, running for office in, ah, that would be Calgary-Egmont...

Like all others of his ilk who don't get exactly what they want, Chandler is behaving, in the words of my Grandmother, as though somebody'd actually done something to him.

Provincial Tory Leader in Smart Political Move Shocker

Tories veto candidate's nomination
Calling himself a 'martyr' for the cause, social conservative weighs next move
KATHERINE O'NEILL
December 3, 2007

EDMONTON -- An outspoken social conservative has been denied a chance to run for the Alberta Progressive Conservative party, as the country's oldest reigning political dynasty readies for a tough election expected to be called in the coming months.

Craig Chandler said in an interview yesterday that the rare decision by the Conservatives' executive committee on the weekend to not accept his constituency nomination is undemocratic and makes him a "martyr" for the province's social conservatives.

I have to say that Stelmach's made the right move here, although I was quite looking forward to watching the Tories get mauled by the opposition over the candidacy of Mr. Chandler, a man whose only reason for existence seems to be hatred of a) gays, and b) everybody else who isn't a viciously conservative Albertan (but mostly gays. And other people). Sigh. We will have to get our political theatre elsewhere, is seems, and we wonder who will perform the sacred duty of informing newcomers of their moral obligation to vote Tory?

I'm betting here that Chandler will run in the upcoming provincial election, possibly for the Alberta Alliance.

Hmmm... This Could Become An Election Issue

So, the good people of Calgary-Egmont have gone ahead and nominated Craig Chandler as Tory candidate in the upcoming provincial election. However, hang on a sec':

Alberta Premier Ed Stelmach says Tory party officials will review the nomination of a candidate who was sanctioned by the Canadian Human Rights Commission for hateful remarks about gays.

I bet it'll be reviewed. If he lets Chandler run for his party, Stelmach is putting a ginormous club in the hand of the Liberals and NDP. However, Chandler can take heart; even if the Tories punt him, I'm sure he'll be able to find somewhere he'll feel welcome (go here for more Oi! Thump!-brand snark about that lot).

Well, That Was A Stupid Thing To Say...

From a Mr. Craig Chandler, aspiring Conservative MLA for Calgary something-or-other:

"Alberta is growing in a way that was never expected and many of the people coming here do not truly appreciate Alberta or even understand the history of this province or the relationship with the Alberta Progressive Conservative party. To those of you who have come to our great land from out of province, you need to remember that you came to our home and we vote conservative. You came here to enjoy our economy, our natural beauty and more. This is our home and ... If you wish to live here, you must adapt to our rules and our voting patterns or leave. Conservatism is our culture. Do not destroy what we have created."

Much has been written on this piece of anti-democratic drivel already, and by clicking on the text itself, you can peruse a pretty good column by Rick Bell of the Calgary Sun(!) on the subject. However, I did feel the need to investigate a bit further to find out precisely who this Craig Chandler person is. Therefore, I donned my trusty pith helmet and monocle, I set off to the homepage of the Committee to Elect Craig Chandler, where I encountered a video of Craig Chandler announcing his candidacy, with a sterling endorsement from Paul Jackson, all set to bizarre synth-pop. The video goes on from there, but I don't know what happens, since I had ripped my headphones off and was jumping up and down on them.

Next stop: Chandler's policy page, jauntily titled "Putting Alberta First." That in itself should tell you all you need to know here. And yes, it turns out to be fairly boilerplate stuff; the usual blend of miserliness, xeno- and homophobia, and union-busting that characterizes the modern Alberta conservative. It's probably a little to the right of where the provincial Progressive Conservatives are at this moment, but that's ok; there'll be plenty of time for Chandler to roll over and let Ed Stelmach rub his belly should he get nominated.

And so we must, in the end, Judge Craig Chandler By The Company He Keeps. By which I mean his endorsement page. And whadda we find there? Well, I've already mentioned Paul Jackson. However, Chandler also receives glowing tributes from Rob "Nelson Mandela is a terrorist" Anders, and, best of all, Link Byfield. Why "best of all?" Well, Link has recently set himself up as the Executive Director of the Wildrose Party of Alberta, the latest collection of folks seeking to rid Alberta of the PCs from the right. I'm sure it comes as a great comfort to the Wildrose Party's backers to see their ED endorsing somebody who's running for a different fucking party (oops, this blog's even more R-rated now...). Anyway, more on Link's new bunch tomorrow.

So, conclusions? Well, the only one I can come up with right now is that Craig Chandler's quote on newcomers' voting rights is entirely indicative of his personality and political beliefs, and ought to be used to beat him and the rest of the PCs over the heads come next provincial election.

Judge to Rob Anders: "Nice Try, You Snivelling Little Jackoff"

More or less, anyway:

Calgary judge overturns Tory MP's acclamation
Last Updated: Friday, March 16, 2007 | 1:53 PM MT
CBC News

A judge has overturned the acclamation of Tory MP Rob Anders and ordered a new nomination meeting in the riding of Calgary West.

Apparently Anders was a wee bit worried that some of his constituents might have noticed what an appalling piece of work he is, so he and his friends essentially rigged the nomination process. And got spanked for it in court, much to the joy of sentient beings everywhere.

A gentle reminder about Rob Anders:

"[Honouring Nelson Mendela is a] total political-correctness poster-boy thing... He was a Communist. He was a terrorist..." --Rob Anders, 2001

God Will Pencil You In For... Shall We Say Friday?

Random dumbness from last week:

Grandstand ritual offering alarms pastor
'God's not going to like this': reverend
Joe Woodard, Calgary Herald
Published: Tuesday, July 11, 2006 Article tools

Local minister Gord Smith worries the Calgary Exhibition and Stampede Board may have called the wrath of God down upon the city, since it has endorsed pagan spirit worship.

Sunday night at the Grandstand Show, Stampede president Steve Allan invited onstage three village chieftains from Ghana to summon the spirits of their ancestors, Smith said.

Ok, I can see about how this might seem odd fare for the Calgary Stamped, but I'm stumped on the whole, "inviting the wrath of God" thing. If you're bored by the Ghanaian spirit-callers, go have a beer and watch the chuckwagons or something. Oh wait, explanation ensues:

"They don't know what they're playing with when they consent to spirit worship," said Smith.

"I'm calling all the prayer intercessors I know, to start praying for the city. God's not going to like this."

And, when is God not going to like this? When he checks his messages or something? Isn't God, like, omniscient? Doesn't he realize that the Calgary Stampede needs a little smitin'? Hmmm, maybe He's busy right now.

Yes, this is a punk picture...


On the plus side, there's a good column in the Edmonton Sun today:

It's tough being a kid today
By Paul Whitney -- For the Edmonton Sun

A couple of American kids, tourists, visiting Hogtown last week, were cut up in a stupid fracas with a Canadian kid.

Like most people hearing this story, I was shocked but secretly glad that our side came out on top. It involved a knife. Front-page stuff.

Yesterday I was stopped at a light, watching a kid on a skateboard learning new and stylish ways to hurt himself. He was wearing the obligatory boarder gear: Oakley wraparound shades, baggy surfer shorts, headphones, baseball cap on backwards and a knife. It wasn't a very big stiletto knife, probably even a semi-legal three- or four-inch blade. It wasn't concealed either. He wasn't wearing his T-shirt and the blade was clipped to his waist band on an upside- down quick-draw holster.

In a refreshing change from what jaded folks like myself have come to expect from Sun writers, Whitney complete fails to come to the conclusion that curfews, incarceration, enforced Bible study, or the execution of all single mothers are the answer to young people packing weapons, and just gently notes that it is tough being a youth these days, and that maybe the young man has a reason to carry a knife. He also fails to demonstrate any of the shrieking terror that usually emanates from right-wing columnists dealing with the young. So, well done Mr. Whitney.

It is worth pointing, as an addendum to the column, that the troubles potentially facing you young people these days in Edmonton include being hurled down elevator shafts by jail guards in what the authorities later tell your grieving family is a "reasonable" use of force, and having a prominent local business shithead, with police backing, campaign to have your (relatively) safe, alcohol-free, after-hours hangouts shut down because he thinks you're cutting into his bottom line. Reasons to carry a knife indeed.

To close, lest one think that the Sun chain of newspapers is completely cured of silliness, the Calgary version ran a Ted Byfield column this past weekend, entitled (I shit you not, here) "We're Different From Them." Now isn't that the subject of every single column that Ted Byfield or indeed any of that clan has ever written?

On the plus side, the new DVD player works great, and me mum is very happy with it!

Calgary scientist grows brain cells on microchip

Calgary - Researchers in Calgary and Germany have pulled off a groundbreaking melding of machine and biology by successfully growing brain nerve cells from a snail on a silicon microchip.

Not only did the transplanted cells survive on the chip but they actually grew and incorporated the chip as it if were a brain cell.

I'm not dead sure whether this article terrifies or reassures me, but it's sure interesting, one way or the other.