The last in our 3-part guide to the Canadian Federal election...
NEW DEMOCRATIC PARTY
Never able to transfer their provincial election successes to the national stage, the NDP long for the salad days when they were assured a third-place finish in the country. If, however, the 173rd time's the charm...
Canada is to the U.S. as a nice person is to a not very nice person.
If you're a woman you've quite possibly been nicely courted to lead the NDP
Will you, as a minimum wage earner, get health care? Yes, and minimum wage will be a nice $43.57/hour!!
Got Decriminalized Marijuana? Yes, it'll be nice.
Gay Marriage? Yes, it'll be nice.
Historical Parallel: Millions of serial bridesmaids.
PROGRESSIVE CANADIAN PARTY
You don't have to look that closely at a group of PCP members to actually see the knives sticking out of their backs. My pity for this lost progressive wing of the old PC party is not even dimmed by their hideous frames-based website. However, if they do turn out to be a dark horse...
Canada is to the U.S. as it was in 1867.
If you're a woman you're a hell of a lot more welcome in this party than you would be in the conservatives.
Will you, as a minimum wage earner, get health care? Yes. Stab wounds are very painful.
Got Decriminalized Marijuana? Yes. You can smoke it to overcome the pain of betrayal.
Gay Marriage? Since pretty much every gay person with any kind of conservative world view is a member of this party, I'm going to say yes.
Historical Parallel: Julius Caesar, after "Et tu, Brute?"
NATURAL LAW PARTY OF CANADA
I've stuck these guys in here at the end because they are actually not running in the coming election, being deregistered and all. However, few can forget their brief foray into the jello-pit of Canadian politics, when yogic flying seemed to be our best hope for the future. In a fantasy world where these folks took up the reins of government...
Canada is to the U.S. as a grand, peaceful union of all the world's peoples is to a grand, peaceful union of all the world's peoples.
If you're a woman you're at one with the universe.
Will you, as a minimum wage earner, get health care? Health care? Wages? Who needs 'em?
Got Decriminalized Marijuana? Yes, of course.
Gay Marriage? Everyone is married to everyone else.
Historical Parallel: None.
So, now that you're so much more politically savvy, get out there and get to it! Vote early, vote often!!!