Mother of elevator victim hopes inquiry holds answers
Edmonton - A fatality inquiry is the last hope for answers, the mother of a 16-year-old boy who fell down a courthouse elevator shaft to his death says.
"Their investigation is over and I still don't know anything," Lorena Young says of a review done by police and Crown attorneys. "And that isn't fair."I'm the child's mother. I have a right to know."
Wednesday, Justice Minister Dave Hancock announced that charges would not be laid against the two guards who were escorting Kyle Young when he died.
Police say there is insufficient evidence about what happened that day to proceed with any charges, and it has been determined Young's death wasn't criminal.
Hancock says a review shows that the guards used reasonable force. He says the guards were using enough force while Young was against the elevator door to knock the door open and dislodge it.
I'm very sorry, but force sufficient to knock an elevator door off its tracks is in no way "reasonable." These guys got away with one here.
Wednesday, July 07, 2004
Looks Like I Was Wrong About This One...
U.S. 'friendly fire' pilot appealing conviction
Last Updated Wed, 07 Jul 2004 17:36:01
LANGLEY, VA. - A U.S. fighter pilot who dropped a bomb that killed four Canadian soldiers in Afghanistan plans to appeal his dereliction of duty conviction, his lawyer said Wednesday.
Charles Gittins said his client, Major Harry Schmidt, gave him the instructions after a morning round of golf.
So, fuckwit decides to appeal a dereliction of duty conviction while playing golf?!?!?!?!? The irony itself is enough to choke on. Y'know, we have treaties with the States - let's get this fucker extradited. Have him face a court martial in Canada (I know, I know, extradition treaties don't cover military cases, more's the pity right now).
What stuns me is the complete lack of responsibility inherent in Major Schmidt's character. He has not said one word of contrition (although his cunt of a wife made some snide comment about one the dead Canadian's wives waking up alone, and how "bad" she felt about that - I'll find the exact quote if I can). And now, apparently, he has no shame, either. According to his lawyer, his opinion of the reprimand his commanding officer gave him is "not printable," which says it all, really. Hopefully, Maj. Schmidt will overextend himself here and get into some real trouble. Like a lengthy prison term, for example.
I must say though, that my anger over this does not extend to the U.S. military (I'm mad at it - them? - for a host of other reason, but not over their handling of this case). The U.S. higher-ups have fought diligently, as far as I can tell, to see that justice gets done for the families of the dead. I wish that some of that attitude had trickled down on Maj. Schmidt.
Since I'm apparently incoherent with rage at the moment, I'm going to put this to bed, and try to write something more coherent in the next couple of days.
U.S. 'friendly fire' pilot appealing conviction
Last Updated Wed, 07 Jul 2004 17:36:01
LANGLEY, VA. - A U.S. fighter pilot who dropped a bomb that killed four Canadian soldiers in Afghanistan plans to appeal his dereliction of duty conviction, his lawyer said Wednesday.
Charles Gittins said his client, Major Harry Schmidt, gave him the instructions after a morning round of golf.
So, fuckwit decides to appeal a dereliction of duty conviction while playing golf?!?!?!?!? The irony itself is enough to choke on. Y'know, we have treaties with the States - let's get this fucker extradited. Have him face a court martial in Canada (I know, I know, extradition treaties don't cover military cases, more's the pity right now).
What stuns me is the complete lack of responsibility inherent in Major Schmidt's character. He has not said one word of contrition (although his cunt of a wife made some snide comment about one the dead Canadian's wives waking up alone, and how "bad" she felt about that - I'll find the exact quote if I can). And now, apparently, he has no shame, either. According to his lawyer, his opinion of the reprimand his commanding officer gave him is "not printable," which says it all, really. Hopefully, Maj. Schmidt will overextend himself here and get into some real trouble. Like a lengthy prison term, for example.
I must say though, that my anger over this does not extend to the U.S. military (I'm mad at it - them? - for a host of other reason, but not over their handling of this case). The U.S. higher-ups have fought diligently, as far as I can tell, to see that justice gets done for the families of the dead. I wish that some of that attitude had trickled down on Maj. Schmidt.
Since I'm apparently incoherent with rage at the moment, I'm going to put this to bed, and try to write something more coherent in the next couple of days.
Tuesday, July 06, 2004
Justice, More or Less, Done
U.S. 'friendly fire' pilot found guilty of dereliction of duty
Last Updated Tue, 06 Jul 2004 15:42:26
NEW ORLEANS - The U.S. fighter pilot who accidentally dropped a bomb on Canadian soldiers in Afghanistan two years ago, killing four of them, has been found guilty of dereliction of duty by the U.S Air Force.
Major Harry Schmidt will receive a written reprimand and have to forfeit $5,600 US in pay.
Well, in the end this was about all Canadians could hope for. Schmidt, who unlike his flying partner William Umbach, never admitted any resposibility for his actions nor showed any compassion for the families of his victims, has finally been called to account. While it would have been more heart-warming to see Schmidt actually do time, this will have to suffice. In my thinking, the most important sentence in this article is the penultimate one (emphasis added by me):
Schmidt will be allowed to remain in the Illinois Air National Guard, but not as a pilot.
So no other family should ever have to suffer at the hands of this idiot. At least so we can hope...
U.S. 'friendly fire' pilot found guilty of dereliction of duty
Last Updated Tue, 06 Jul 2004 15:42:26
NEW ORLEANS - The U.S. fighter pilot who accidentally dropped a bomb on Canadian soldiers in Afghanistan two years ago, killing four of them, has been found guilty of dereliction of duty by the U.S Air Force.
Major Harry Schmidt will receive a written reprimand and have to forfeit $5,600 US in pay.
Well, in the end this was about all Canadians could hope for. Schmidt, who unlike his flying partner William Umbach, never admitted any resposibility for his actions nor showed any compassion for the families of his victims, has finally been called to account. While it would have been more heart-warming to see Schmidt actually do time, this will have to suffice. In my thinking, the most important sentence in this article is the penultimate one (emphasis added by me):
Schmidt will be allowed to remain in the Illinois Air National Guard, but not as a pilot.
So no other family should ever have to suffer at the hands of this idiot. At least so we can hope...
Wednesday, June 30, 2004
Best of the Summer Whine
And so, after Monday's election, the air in Alberta is once again filled with the sound of conservatives pissing and moaning. Oddly but observantly enough, much of this is directed at our very own Ralph Klein, who is being blamed for much the voting public's reluctance to go blue. Anyway, although we here at Oi! Thump! are not big Liberal supporters, we're even less sympathetic to the conservatives, and do enjoy listening to the gnashing of their teeth, the crying of their children, and the lamentation of their women. It was my idea to do an overview of some of the worst whining, but the volume of material available defeated me, and so I am merely picking the best of the lot, a letter that appeared in today's Calgary Sun. Here it is, with snide annotations:
Once again the East, led by Ontario, has shown it is intolerant of democracy and freedom of discussion.
Ah yes, once again, the "intolerant of democracy" have graphically demonstrated their intolerance by exercising their right to vote. Bastards! And buddy, the Conservatives lost the election because some of their candidates were a little too free in their discussion of certain social issues.
They favour (it would appear) corruption and control. The West merely exists to be plundered by eastern commissars for their benefit.
Why then, do scads of easterners come out here to work, instead of staying back there and growing fat off the fruits of our labours? Because your entire premise is bullshit, that's why. And if you're interested in commissars, check out the provincial tories.
The Liberals and NDP will unleash upon this country a tax and spend policy the likes of which has never been seen or experienced.
Goodness me, I hope so...
The West will be devastated. Easterners will smirk and revel in their mastery. The West faces some challenging questions and options.
The above is the best part of this letter. "Easterners will smirk and revel in their mastery"??!! That's awesome prose, dude (he said, smirking and reveling).
For instance, do we wish our children to be raised to adulthood by state nurseries?
Uh, where did that come from?
The West is emerging both as a political and an economic power. Given the opportunity, we could equal or better some of the world's leading democracies.
Hey wait! I thought you said we existed only to be plundered by commissars! That doesn't sound like a political or economic power. Oh wait, I forgot, you're stupid, whiny, and hypocritical. Carry on, sir.
A better future is possible. This 2004 election has proven it is time to go.
Rick Plesnik
Whaaaah!!! Whaaah!! Those horrible Ontarians won't vote like I tell them to!! Whaaah!! Whaaah! I'm taking my ball and going home!! Well Rick, you can indeed go if you wish; I daresay you won't be missed, and it will make a better future for all of us much more possible. Of course, your words would be that much more profound, and your threat of separation more dire, if we didn't hear them every single fucking time things didn't go exactly the way the Alberta-firsters wanted. Bunch of crybabies, the lot of them...
And so, after Monday's election, the air in Alberta is once again filled with the sound of conservatives pissing and moaning. Oddly but observantly enough, much of this is directed at our very own Ralph Klein, who is being blamed for much the voting public's reluctance to go blue. Anyway, although we here at Oi! Thump! are not big Liberal supporters, we're even less sympathetic to the conservatives, and do enjoy listening to the gnashing of their teeth, the crying of their children, and the lamentation of their women. It was my idea to do an overview of some of the worst whining, but the volume of material available defeated me, and so I am merely picking the best of the lot, a letter that appeared in today's Calgary Sun. Here it is, with snide annotations:
Once again the East, led by Ontario, has shown it is intolerant of democracy and freedom of discussion.
Ah yes, once again, the "intolerant of democracy" have graphically demonstrated their intolerance by exercising their right to vote. Bastards! And buddy, the Conservatives lost the election because some of their candidates were a little too free in their discussion of certain social issues.
They favour (it would appear) corruption and control. The West merely exists to be plundered by eastern commissars for their benefit.
Why then, do scads of easterners come out here to work, instead of staying back there and growing fat off the fruits of our labours? Because your entire premise is bullshit, that's why. And if you're interested in commissars, check out the provincial tories.
The Liberals and NDP will unleash upon this country a tax and spend policy the likes of which has never been seen or experienced.
Goodness me, I hope so...
The West will be devastated. Easterners will smirk and revel in their mastery. The West faces some challenging questions and options.
The above is the best part of this letter. "Easterners will smirk and revel in their mastery"??!! That's awesome prose, dude (he said, smirking and reveling).
For instance, do we wish our children to be raised to adulthood by state nurseries?
Uh, where did that come from?
The West is emerging both as a political and an economic power. Given the opportunity, we could equal or better some of the world's leading democracies.
Hey wait! I thought you said we existed only to be plundered by commissars! That doesn't sound like a political or economic power. Oh wait, I forgot, you're stupid, whiny, and hypocritical. Carry on, sir.
A better future is possible. This 2004 election has proven it is time to go.
Rick Plesnik
Whaaaah!!! Whaaah!! Those horrible Ontarians won't vote like I tell them to!! Whaaah!! Whaaah! I'm taking my ball and going home!! Well Rick, you can indeed go if you wish; I daresay you won't be missed, and it will make a better future for all of us much more possible. Of course, your words would be that much more profound, and your threat of separation more dire, if we didn't hear them every single fucking time things didn't go exactly the way the Alberta-firsters wanted. Bunch of crybabies, the lot of them...
Thursday, June 24, 2004
The last in our 3-part guide to the Canadian Federal election...
NEW DEMOCRATIC PARTY
Never able to transfer their provincial election successes to the national stage, the NDP long for the salad days when they were assured a third-place finish in the country. If, however, the 173rd time's the charm...
Canada is to the U.S. as a nice person is to a not very nice person.
If you're a woman you've quite possibly been nicely courted to lead the NDP
Will you, as a minimum wage earner, get health care? Yes, and minimum wage will be a nice $43.57/hour!!
Got Decriminalized Marijuana? Yes, it'll be nice.
Gay Marriage? Yes, it'll be nice.
Historical Parallel: Millions of serial bridesmaids.
PROGRESSIVE CANADIAN PARTY
You don't have to look that closely at a group of PCP members to actually see the knives sticking out of their backs. My pity for this lost progressive wing of the old PC party is not even dimmed by their hideous frames-based website. However, if they do turn out to be a dark horse...
Canada is to the U.S. as it was in 1867.
If you're a woman you're a hell of a lot more welcome in this party than you would be in the conservatives.
Will you, as a minimum wage earner, get health care? Yes. Stab wounds are very painful.
Got Decriminalized Marijuana? Yes. You can smoke it to overcome the pain of betrayal.
Gay Marriage? Since pretty much every gay person with any kind of conservative world view is a member of this party, I'm going to say yes.
Historical Parallel: Julius Caesar, after "Et tu, Brute?"
NATURAL LAW PARTY OF CANADA
I've stuck these guys in here at the end because they are actually not running in the coming election, being deregistered and all. However, few can forget their brief foray into the jello-pit of Canadian politics, when yogic flying seemed to be our best hope for the future. In a fantasy world where these folks took up the reins of government...
Canada is to the U.S. as a grand, peaceful union of all the world's peoples is to a grand, peaceful union of all the world's peoples.
If you're a woman you're at one with the universe.
Will you, as a minimum wage earner, get health care? Health care? Wages? Who needs 'em?
Got Decriminalized Marijuana? Yes, of course.
Gay Marriage? Everyone is married to everyone else.
Historical Parallel: None.
So, now that you're so much more politically savvy, get out there and get to it! Vote early, vote often!!!
NEW DEMOCRATIC PARTY
Never able to transfer their provincial election successes to the national stage, the NDP long for the salad days when they were assured a third-place finish in the country. If, however, the 173rd time's the charm...
Canada is to the U.S. as a nice person is to a not very nice person.
If you're a woman you've quite possibly been nicely courted to lead the NDP
Will you, as a minimum wage earner, get health care? Yes, and minimum wage will be a nice $43.57/hour!!
Got Decriminalized Marijuana? Yes, it'll be nice.
Gay Marriage? Yes, it'll be nice.
Historical Parallel: Millions of serial bridesmaids.
PROGRESSIVE CANADIAN PARTY
You don't have to look that closely at a group of PCP members to actually see the knives sticking out of their backs. My pity for this lost progressive wing of the old PC party is not even dimmed by their hideous frames-based website. However, if they do turn out to be a dark horse...
Canada is to the U.S. as it was in 1867.
If you're a woman you're a hell of a lot more welcome in this party than you would be in the conservatives.
Will you, as a minimum wage earner, get health care? Yes. Stab wounds are very painful.
Got Decriminalized Marijuana? Yes. You can smoke it to overcome the pain of betrayal.
Gay Marriage? Since pretty much every gay person with any kind of conservative world view is a member of this party, I'm going to say yes.
Historical Parallel: Julius Caesar, after "Et tu, Brute?"
NATURAL LAW PARTY OF CANADA
I've stuck these guys in here at the end because they are actually not running in the coming election, being deregistered and all. However, few can forget their brief foray into the jello-pit of Canadian politics, when yogic flying seemed to be our best hope for the future. In a fantasy world where these folks took up the reins of government...
Canada is to the U.S. as a grand, peaceful union of all the world's peoples is to a grand, peaceful union of all the world's peoples.
If you're a woman you're at one with the universe.
Will you, as a minimum wage earner, get health care? Health care? Wages? Who needs 'em?
Got Decriminalized Marijuana? Yes, of course.
Gay Marriage? Everyone is married to everyone else.
Historical Parallel: None.
So, now that you're so much more politically savvy, get out there and get to it! Vote early, vote often!!!
Wednesday, June 23, 2004
On with our searing coverage of the upcoming Canadian federal election...
GREEN PARTY OF CANADA
Known for helping George W. Bush get elected in the States (thanks guys!) and for being a viable, mainstream party in pretty much every other democracy that isn't Canada, the Green party is actually looking like they might get a foot in the door here this time. They're environmentalists, in case you were confused. Under the Green Party's benevolent rule...
Canada is to the U.S. as an Ani Difranco fan is to that guy snarfing his second Meatlovers' Breakfast of the day at Denny's.
If you're a woman you're an avatar of the Earth Goddess, and must be treated as such.
Will you, as a minimum wage earner, get health care? Yes, using non-animal-tested medicines and procedures.
Got Decriminalized Marijuana? The Green Party is ever-so-slightly to the right of the Marijuana party on this issue. I mean, we're talking microns here folks.
Gay Marriage? Oh yeah.
Historical Parallel: The Luddites.
LIBERAL PARTY OF CANADA
Here we go. They're big, they're bad, they've been in power far too long for the Conservatives' liking. Paul Martin is currently finding out that having been a successful businessman does not actually cause your feet to grow to the size necessary to fill Jean Chretien's boots. Martin would be having troubling visions of the ghost of John Turner, except that Turner's not dead. Right now...
Canada is to the U.S. as Canada is to the U.S., only with less swearing than there was under Chretien.
If you're a woman please, please, pleeeeeeeeeeeeze vote for us. I mean, we're begging here...
Will you, as a minimum wage earner, get health care? Yes, and Ralph Klein can go fuck himself.
Got Decriminalized Marijuana? Eventually, once the Supreme Court kicks our asses a bit.
Gay Marriage? See immediately above.
Historical Parallel: Pierre Eliot Trudeau, without any of PET's flair or guts.
LIBERTARIAN PARTY OF CANADA
This party's unofficial motto is "I'm All Right, Jack." Their guiding principle seems to be that nobody should be forced to behave in any kind of vaguely decent and humane manner whatsoever, and that government's job is to sit on its ass and watch the ensuing brutality without doing anything about it. Which is horseshit. They also have the most brutally ugly web page of any of the parties running. If these guys are "running the country"...
Canada is to the U.S. as menh...
If you're a woman Who cares?
Will you, as a minimum wage earner, get health care? Only if you can afford it, which you can't.
Got Decriminalized Marijuana? And how!
Gay Marriage? And how!
Historical Parallel: Some really lazy person.
MARIJUANA PARTY
Guess what these guys want to legalize!! That's right, whaling!! Seriously, it's fairly obvious what this one-issue party's one issue is. So, if Canada goes all mellow after June 28th...
Canada is to the U.S. as a hippy is to a Mississippi State Trooper.
If you're a woman you've got nothing to worry about, glaucoma-wise.
Will you, as a minimum wage earner, get health care? Oh yeah, although you may notice a certain sameness about your prescriptions.
Got Decriminalized Marijuana? Look at the party name and figure it out for yourself.
Gay Marriage? Yes.
Historical Parallel: The Bona Dea cult.
MARXIST-LENINIST PARTY OF CANADA
Playing the People's Front of Judea to the Communist Party's Judean People's Front, these folks neatly split the ultra-left vote, and provoke nasty coffee-house brawls over the writings of Hardial Bains. If they get elected, and once they've shipped the Communist Party off to Nunavut...
Canada is to the U.S. as same as the answer for the Communist party, only more Hardial Bains-y
If you're a woman see above
Will you, as a minimum wage earner, get health care? see above
Got Decriminalized Marijuana? see above
Gay Marriage? see above
Historical Parallel: The Communist Party of Canada
Join us again tomorrow, when we wrap this puppy up!
GREEN PARTY OF CANADA
Known for helping George W. Bush get elected in the States (thanks guys!) and for being a viable, mainstream party in pretty much every other democracy that isn't Canada, the Green party is actually looking like they might get a foot in the door here this time. They're environmentalists, in case you were confused. Under the Green Party's benevolent rule...
Canada is to the U.S. as an Ani Difranco fan is to that guy snarfing his second Meatlovers' Breakfast of the day at Denny's.
If you're a woman you're an avatar of the Earth Goddess, and must be treated as such.
Will you, as a minimum wage earner, get health care? Yes, using non-animal-tested medicines and procedures.
Got Decriminalized Marijuana? The Green Party is ever-so-slightly to the right of the Marijuana party on this issue. I mean, we're talking microns here folks.
Gay Marriage? Oh yeah.
Historical Parallel: The Luddites.
LIBERAL PARTY OF CANADA
Here we go. They're big, they're bad, they've been in power far too long for the Conservatives' liking. Paul Martin is currently finding out that having been a successful businessman does not actually cause your feet to grow to the size necessary to fill Jean Chretien's boots. Martin would be having troubling visions of the ghost of John Turner, except that Turner's not dead. Right now...
Canada is to the U.S. as Canada is to the U.S., only with less swearing than there was under Chretien.
If you're a woman please, please, pleeeeeeeeeeeeze vote for us. I mean, we're begging here...
Will you, as a minimum wage earner, get health care? Yes, and Ralph Klein can go fuck himself.
Got Decriminalized Marijuana? Eventually, once the Supreme Court kicks our asses a bit.
Gay Marriage? See immediately above.
Historical Parallel: Pierre Eliot Trudeau, without any of PET's flair or guts.
LIBERTARIAN PARTY OF CANADA
This party's unofficial motto is "I'm All Right, Jack." Their guiding principle seems to be that nobody should be forced to behave in any kind of vaguely decent and humane manner whatsoever, and that government's job is to sit on its ass and watch the ensuing brutality without doing anything about it. Which is horseshit. They also have the most brutally ugly web page of any of the parties running. If these guys are "running the country"...
Canada is to the U.S. as menh...
If you're a woman Who cares?
Will you, as a minimum wage earner, get health care? Only if you can afford it, which you can't.
Got Decriminalized Marijuana? And how!
Gay Marriage? And how!
Historical Parallel: Some really lazy person.
MARIJUANA PARTY
Guess what these guys want to legalize!! That's right, whaling!! Seriously, it's fairly obvious what this one-issue party's one issue is. So, if Canada goes all mellow after June 28th...
Canada is to the U.S. as a hippy is to a Mississippi State Trooper.
If you're a woman you've got nothing to worry about, glaucoma-wise.
Will you, as a minimum wage earner, get health care? Oh yeah, although you may notice a certain sameness about your prescriptions.
Got Decriminalized Marijuana? Look at the party name and figure it out for yourself.
Gay Marriage? Yes.
Historical Parallel: The Bona Dea cult.
MARXIST-LENINIST PARTY OF CANADA
Playing the People's Front of Judea to the Communist Party's Judean People's Front, these folks neatly split the ultra-left vote, and provoke nasty coffee-house brawls over the writings of Hardial Bains. If they get elected, and once they've shipped the Communist Party off to Nunavut...
Canada is to the U.S. as same as the answer for the Communist party, only more Hardial Bains-y
If you're a woman see above
Will you, as a minimum wage earner, get health care? see above
Got Decriminalized Marijuana? see above
Gay Marriage? see above
Historical Parallel: The Communist Party of Canada
Join us again tomorrow, when we wrap this puppy up!
Utterly Gratuitous Plug!!
If you read just one columnist on politics to the South of us, let it be Molly Ivins. She's got a great writing style, and applies the rhetorical boot to the backsides that need it most.
If you read just one columnist on politics to the South of us, let it be Molly Ivins. She's got a great writing style, and applies the rhetorical boot to the backsides that need it most.
Tuesday, June 22, 2004
IT'S ELECTION TIME
And that means it's time for Oi! Thump!'s first ever election guide!!! We're running down (in every sense of the phrase) the various political parties engaged in the titanic struggle for control of Parliament. Without further ado, but with much snark, here's a capsule look at the first five parties' answers to a few fun policy questions. Oh, and we're doing this in alphabetical order, so if you don't see your favourite/least favourite party here yet, unwad thy panties and settle down.
BLOC QUEBECOIS
No maudits .ca suffix at the end of their website address, non monsieur!! Formed a few years back to push the Quebec nationalist agenda, their brief turn as Official Opposition caused much sucking in of breath on the parts of people who didn't realize that the BQ had actually been democratically elected to that position. Under a BQ government...
Canada is to the U.S. as that really unpopular guy who plays D&D is to the prom queen, who's actually a real bitch.
If you're a woman you're probably very beautiful.
Will you, as a minimum wage earner, get health care? Mais Oui!
Got Decriminalized Marijuana? Who cares?
Gay Marriage? Maybe.
Historical Parallel: William Wallace, as over-portrayed by Mel Gibson.
CANADIAN ACTION PARTY
Seem to be a sort of happy-clappy, Yeah Canada! anti-globalization type of outfit. Not that there's anything really wrong with that. If the CAP wins...
Canada is to the U.S. as Hickory High is to that team they beat at the end of Hoosiers.
If you're a woman you're empowered. Right frickin' now.
Will you, as a minimum wage earner, get health care? In theory.
Got Decriminalized Marijuana? Yes (it's good for glaucoma, fibromyalgia, and bugging the shit out of the States).
Gay Marriage? Yes (see above, but without the references to glaucoma and fibromyalgia).
Historical Parallel?: William Wallace, somewhat but not a lot closer to actual historical reality than the BQ.
CHRISTIAN HERITAGE PARTY
For those of you who think the Conservative Party is a bunch of namby-pamby left-wing heathen stooges, we give you the Christian Heritage Party. If, God forbid, they or their ilk should happen to gain power...
Canada is to the U.S. as a "godly" woman is to her "godly" husband.
If you're a woman you shouldn't be reading this post, harlot! Get your pregnant ass back to the kitchen! And take those damn shoes off!
Will you, as a minimum wage earner, get health care? No. All healthcare funds will be diverted to dealing with camels stuck in the eyes of needles.
Got Decriminalized Marijuana? You are going to Hell just for reading this question.
Gay Marriage? Blah blah family values blah blah blah Sodom and Gomorrah blah blah filthy sodomites blah blah blah blah Leviticus blah blah blah blah tradition family blah blah blah. No, in other words.
Historical Parallel?: Ivan the Terrible
COMMUNIST PARTY OF CANADA
Historical relics are great. Nibbling away at the fringes of the labour movement the Communist party actually has had electoral success in Canada, but generally not at the federal level, and not for a long long time. If the hammer and sickle flag waves over Parliament...
Canada is to the U.S. as a slug is to a salt shaker.
If you're a woman you are equal, comrade!
Will you, as a minimum wage earner, get health care? Yes, and transplant organs will be harvested from the rich!
Got Decriminalized Marijuana? Maybe.
Gay Marriage? Marriage? Like in a masses-opiating church? Hmmm...
Historical Parallel?: Pick an obvious one.
CONSERVATIVE PARTY OF CANADA
We close off Day One of our election guide with the first of the "big" parties that we've come across. Unholy spawn of the old Reform/Alliance thingy and the non-progressive bit of the Progressive Conservatives, the new-fangled Conservative Party would be a lock for a massive majority government if they could just keep their candidates from ever saying anything about any topic. Ever. If they were to succeed in that...
Canada is to the U.S. as An 18-year-old first-time prison inmate with nice round buttocks is to a hairy 45-year-old lifer named "Spike."
If you're a woman you have all the rights of a man, so long as you're not dumb enough to actually try any of them (with apologies to The Clash).
Will you, as a minimum wage earner, get health care? Certainly, as long as you don't get sick or injured.
Got Decriminalized Marijuana? No damn way, never, not in a million... wait, the Fraser Institute said WHAT?!?!?!??! Um, we'll get back to you.
Gay Marriage? See the Christian Heritage Party entry for this question.
Historical Parallel?: Tony Blair, oddly enough.
See y'all tomorrow!
And that means it's time for Oi! Thump!'s first ever election guide!!! We're running down (in every sense of the phrase) the various political parties engaged in the titanic struggle for control of Parliament. Without further ado, but with much snark, here's a capsule look at the first five parties' answers to a few fun policy questions. Oh, and we're doing this in alphabetical order, so if you don't see your favourite/least favourite party here yet, unwad thy panties and settle down.
BLOC QUEBECOIS
No maudits .ca suffix at the end of their website address, non monsieur!! Formed a few years back to push the Quebec nationalist agenda, their brief turn as Official Opposition caused much sucking in of breath on the parts of people who didn't realize that the BQ had actually been democratically elected to that position. Under a BQ government...
Canada is to the U.S. as that really unpopular guy who plays D&D is to the prom queen, who's actually a real bitch.
If you're a woman you're probably very beautiful.
Will you, as a minimum wage earner, get health care? Mais Oui!
Got Decriminalized Marijuana? Who cares?
Gay Marriage? Maybe.
Historical Parallel: William Wallace, as over-portrayed by Mel Gibson.
CANADIAN ACTION PARTY
Seem to be a sort of happy-clappy, Yeah Canada! anti-globalization type of outfit. Not that there's anything really wrong with that. If the CAP wins...
Canada is to the U.S. as Hickory High is to that team they beat at the end of Hoosiers.
If you're a woman you're empowered. Right frickin' now.
Will you, as a minimum wage earner, get health care? In theory.
Got Decriminalized Marijuana? Yes (it's good for glaucoma, fibromyalgia, and bugging the shit out of the States).
Gay Marriage? Yes (see above, but without the references to glaucoma and fibromyalgia).
Historical Parallel?: William Wallace, somewhat but not a lot closer to actual historical reality than the BQ.
CHRISTIAN HERITAGE PARTY
For those of you who think the Conservative Party is a bunch of namby-pamby left-wing heathen stooges, we give you the Christian Heritage Party. If, God forbid, they or their ilk should happen to gain power...
Canada is to the U.S. as a "godly" woman is to her "godly" husband.
If you're a woman you shouldn't be reading this post, harlot! Get your pregnant ass back to the kitchen! And take those damn shoes off!
Will you, as a minimum wage earner, get health care? No. All healthcare funds will be diverted to dealing with camels stuck in the eyes of needles.
Got Decriminalized Marijuana? You are going to Hell just for reading this question.
Gay Marriage? Blah blah family values blah blah blah Sodom and Gomorrah blah blah filthy sodomites blah blah blah blah Leviticus blah blah blah blah tradition family blah blah blah. No, in other words.
Historical Parallel?: Ivan the Terrible
COMMUNIST PARTY OF CANADA
Historical relics are great. Nibbling away at the fringes of the labour movement the Communist party actually has had electoral success in Canada, but generally not at the federal level, and not for a long long time. If the hammer and sickle flag waves over Parliament...
Canada is to the U.S. as a slug is to a salt shaker.
If you're a woman you are equal, comrade!
Will you, as a minimum wage earner, get health care? Yes, and transplant organs will be harvested from the rich!
Got Decriminalized Marijuana? Maybe.
Gay Marriage? Marriage? Like in a masses-opiating church? Hmmm...
Historical Parallel?: Pick an obvious one.
CONSERVATIVE PARTY OF CANADA
We close off Day One of our election guide with the first of the "big" parties that we've come across. Unholy spawn of the old Reform/Alliance thingy and the non-progressive bit of the Progressive Conservatives, the new-fangled Conservative Party would be a lock for a massive majority government if they could just keep their candidates from ever saying anything about any topic. Ever. If they were to succeed in that...
Canada is to the U.S. as An 18-year-old first-time prison inmate with nice round buttocks is to a hairy 45-year-old lifer named "Spike."
If you're a woman you have all the rights of a man, so long as you're not dumb enough to actually try any of them (with apologies to The Clash).
Will you, as a minimum wage earner, get health care? Certainly, as long as you don't get sick or injured.
Got Decriminalized Marijuana? No damn way, never, not in a million... wait, the Fraser Institute said WHAT?!?!?!??! Um, we'll get back to you.
Gay Marriage? See the Christian Heritage Party entry for this question.
Historical Parallel?: Tony Blair, oddly enough.
See y'all tomorrow!
Could It Be?
I got muy excited this morning when I saw this headline...
Bush faces several charges following arrest
And then I remembered I was reading ESPN. Dammit! Anyway, another budding young professional athlete makes an ass of himself.
I got muy excited this morning when I saw this headline...
Bush faces several charges following arrest
And then I remembered I was reading ESPN. Dammit! Anyway, another budding young professional athlete makes an ass of himself.
Tuesday, June 08, 2004
You know, I was just this morning thinking that I needed to find a consistently-updated webpage that laid the beats down on Family Circus. And, lo and behold:
World O'Crap
And speaking of Hell in suburbia, our yard has been cited by the city for being disorderly, so there's much outdoor work to be done in the next couple of weeks. The worst thing about it, of course, is that it means some kind neighbour of ours ratted us out without actually have the common decency to come speak to us about it first. Anyway, it shouldn't be too bad, since the yard isn't really in that terrible a condition anyway.
World O'Crap
And speaking of Hell in suburbia, our yard has been cited by the city for being disorderly, so there's much outdoor work to be done in the next couple of weeks. The worst thing about it, of course, is that it means some kind neighbour of ours ratted us out without actually have the common decency to come speak to us about it first. Anyway, it shouldn't be too bad, since the yard isn't really in that terrible a condition anyway.
Wednesday, June 02, 2004
Came across an excellent blog yesterday. Here's its very very first ever post, from last August:
So this is the beginning for me, I guess. I never thought I'd start my own weblog... All I could think, every time I wanted to start one was "but who will read it?" I guess I've got nothing to lose... but I'm warning you- expect a lot of complaining and ranting. I looked for a 'rantlog' but this is the best Google came up with.
A little bit about myself: I'm female, Iraqi and 24. I survived the war. That's all you need to know. It's all that matters these days anyway.
Riverbend
Anyway, it's not an easy read, but I'm going to force myself to keep up with it, even when I'm feeling like reading 'happier' stuff. And now back to work, unfortunately.
So this is the beginning for me, I guess. I never thought I'd start my own weblog... All I could think, every time I wanted to start one was "but who will read it?" I guess I've got nothing to lose... but I'm warning you- expect a lot of complaining and ranting. I looked for a 'rantlog' but this is the best Google came up with.
A little bit about myself: I'm female, Iraqi and 24. I survived the war. That's all you need to know. It's all that matters these days anyway.
Riverbend
Anyway, it's not an easy read, but I'm going to force myself to keep up with it, even when I'm feeling like reading 'happier' stuff. And now back to work, unfortunately.
Tuesday, June 01, 2004
This is nice...
'Ciamar a tha thu', province asks
WebPosted May 31 2004 05:37 PM ADT
IONA, N.S. — More Nova Scotians may learn to speak Gaelic under a new long-term plan to revive the language.
The 20-year strategy, which was announced Monday in Cape Breton, includes $100,000 this year to help promote Gaelic and teach people to speak it.
When I'm Prime Minister, learning Gaelic will be compulsory. As will learning French, Chinese, and at least one native language.
'Ciamar a tha thu', province asks
WebPosted May 31 2004 05:37 PM ADT
IONA, N.S. — More Nova Scotians may learn to speak Gaelic under a new long-term plan to revive the language.
The 20-year strategy, which was announced Monday in Cape Breton, includes $100,000 this year to help promote Gaelic and teach people to speak it.
When I'm Prime Minister, learning Gaelic will be compulsory. As will learning French, Chinese, and at least one native language.
Tuesday, May 25, 2004
Happy Birthday to Me,
Happy Birthday to Me,
Happy Birthday to Meeeeeeeeeeeeeeee,
Happy Birthday to Me.
Yes, 'tis that day, and my age can be represented by the same digit written twice. All I've got to say on that matter!
The trip was awesome, and it looks like I'll get to do some actual archaeological writing out of it. I'm a bit nervous about this, but also very much looking forward to it. I will blab more about the whole Italy experience, but suffice it to say for now that nothing much had changed in the small village where I was since my last visit.
Happy Birthday to Me,
Happy Birthday to Meeeeeeeeeeeeeeee,
Happy Birthday to Me.
Yes, 'tis that day, and my age can be represented by the same digit written twice. All I've got to say on that matter!
The trip was awesome, and it looks like I'll get to do some actual archaeological writing out of it. I'm a bit nervous about this, but also very much looking forward to it. I will blab more about the whole Italy experience, but suffice it to say for now that nothing much had changed in the small village where I was since my last visit.
Friday, May 21, 2004
Thursday, April 15, 2004
Well, didn't see this one coming...
Tearful MP's career on hold after pocketing jewelry
Last Updated Thu, 15 Apr 2004 14:53:25
BURNABY, B.C. - New Democratic Party MP Svend Robinson stunned supporters Thursday by saying he needs to take medical leave after admitting he took a ring without paying for it.
Too bad. Of course, the Reformed Conservative Alliance Party will be on him like flies on shit, because, after all, taking stuff without paying for it is what conservatives are all about! Actually, I lie. They'll just make vague comments insinuating a connection between Robinson's theft and Robinson's sexual orientation, and then react with wounded indignation when anybody calls them on it.
Tearful MP's career on hold after pocketing jewelry
Last Updated Thu, 15 Apr 2004 14:53:25
BURNABY, B.C. - New Democratic Party MP Svend Robinson stunned supporters Thursday by saying he needs to take medical leave after admitting he took a ring without paying for it.
Too bad. Of course, the Reformed Conservative Alliance Party will be on him like flies on shit, because, after all, taking stuff without paying for it is what conservatives are all about! Actually, I lie. They'll just make vague comments insinuating a connection between Robinson's theft and Robinson's sexual orientation, and then react with wounded indignation when anybody calls them on it.
Wednesday, April 14, 2004
Oh, my poor neglected little blog - an entire week without a posting. Right, ahem, where was I...
Well, I was going to go on about misogyny in sports journalism, but we're really really busy at work this week (getting caught up with the post-inventory backlog), so it's going to be a lean week for blogging. Stay tuned though, I may chuck some things up if I feel moved to. One brief note: I've started the shopping for my little trip (weird to think that I'll be back in Italy in 10 days) - exciting stuff, I know, but it's got my heart fluttering a bit.
Well, I was going to go on about misogyny in sports journalism, but we're really really busy at work this week (getting caught up with the post-inventory backlog), so it's going to be a lean week for blogging. Stay tuned though, I may chuck some things up if I feel moved to. One brief note: I've started the shopping for my little trip (weird to think that I'll be back in Italy in 10 days) - exciting stuff, I know, but it's got my heart fluttering a bit.
Wednesday, April 07, 2004
Hey Look! Misogynist Wankers!
"Misogynist" is one of those eye-roll words - you know the ones that produce instant exasperation in listeners who immediately assume that you are going to go off on some horrible anti-male rant drawn straight from the early 1990s. Well, that's too bad, because I'm going to toss that word about here, and in particular I'm going to toss it at a few people who IMHO deserve it. To begin with ladies and gentlemen, I give you Dave Sim...
The Onion A.V. Club's Interview with Dave Sim
I admit to having really enjoyed Cerebus when I was in high school; a friend of mine had trade paperback editions of the early issues, and I found them really geniunely funny. I collected the new issues for awhile, eventually stopping at about issue 106 due to lack of funds rather than any problems with the content or art. I always new (and who, reading Cerebus, coud not know?) that Dave Sim was probably a fairly odd guy, but it was only when reading the numerous articles that have sprouted up as the series nears its end that I realized what a nut-job he is. This guy has a visceral, physical, hatred of women, and like so many of his ilk, he's married (heh) it to an all-out martyrdom complex. The fact that he has an ego roughly the size of the moon doesn't increase his likeability any (As I said, I was fond of Cerebus, but when, in the interview above, Sim compared it to Crime and Punishment, the only reason I didn't blow coffee out my nose was because I didn't have any coffee). Nor does the fact that, again in the interview linked above, Sim starts out by being a shitstick towards the (female) interviewer on the very first question. She doesn't let him get away with it, which is encouraging. Anyway, the result of all this has been a certain sadness, but also a great deal of relief that I didn't waste more of my time and money on him. And, of course, extreme rage, as I tend to experience when I come across people who discriminate against women... More later.
"Misogynist" is one of those eye-roll words - you know the ones that produce instant exasperation in listeners who immediately assume that you are going to go off on some horrible anti-male rant drawn straight from the early 1990s. Well, that's too bad, because I'm going to toss that word about here, and in particular I'm going to toss it at a few people who IMHO deserve it. To begin with ladies and gentlemen, I give you Dave Sim...
The Onion A.V. Club's Interview with Dave Sim
I admit to having really enjoyed Cerebus when I was in high school; a friend of mine had trade paperback editions of the early issues, and I found them really geniunely funny. I collected the new issues for awhile, eventually stopping at about issue 106 due to lack of funds rather than any problems with the content or art. I always new (and who, reading Cerebus, coud not know?) that Dave Sim was probably a fairly odd guy, but it was only when reading the numerous articles that have sprouted up as the series nears its end that I realized what a nut-job he is. This guy has a visceral, physical, hatred of women, and like so many of his ilk, he's married (heh) it to an all-out martyrdom complex. The fact that he has an ego roughly the size of the moon doesn't increase his likeability any (As I said, I was fond of Cerebus, but when, in the interview above, Sim compared it to Crime and Punishment, the only reason I didn't blow coffee out my nose was because I didn't have any coffee). Nor does the fact that, again in the interview linked above, Sim starts out by being a shitstick towards the (female) interviewer on the very first question. She doesn't let him get away with it, which is encouraging. Anyway, the result of all this has been a certain sadness, but also a great deal of relief that I didn't waste more of my time and money on him. And, of course, extreme rage, as I tend to experience when I come across people who discriminate against women... More later.
Saturday, April 03, 2004
Hey, we've got a theme...
Vampire bats kill 13 people in Brazil
Saturday, April 3, 2004 Posted: 1:05 PM EST (1805 GMT)
RIO DE JANEIRO, Brazil (Reuters) -- Rabies-carrying vampire bats killed at least 13 people in a remote Amazon town in Brazil's northern state of Para last month, authorities said on Friday.
Expecting a story about werewolves soon...
Vampire bats kill 13 people in Brazil
Saturday, April 3, 2004 Posted: 1:05 PM EST (1805 GMT)
RIO DE JANEIRO, Brazil (Reuters) -- Rabies-carrying vampire bats killed at least 13 people in a remote Amazon town in Brazil's northern state of Para last month, authorities said on Friday.
Expecting a story about werewolves soon...
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