This takes me back...

I remember back in the halcyon days of the late 1990s (and the early months of the whatever-you-call-the-first-decade-of-a-centuries), when slapping back against the outrages of globalization was, well, all the rage. We had all read Naomi Klein et al., and kept ourselves busy and amused by fucking with bathroom ads and pulling off run-through pamphletings of Starbucks. In Seattle, Quebec City, and Genoa people took to the streets defiantly, and actual literal battles were fought over the spread of mega-corporations, branding, and the like. It was good times, and actually, even looking back on it, it was useful, and it was right.

However, along came September 11th, and all of a sudden all this went away. At first, we were all too depressed and worried, and then, when life began to return to normal (which was, in fact, after a relatively brief period of time) we found out that the right wing, in its slobbering terror, had skewed the debate so much that dissent was suddenly the equivalent of treason. Anyway, to cut a long story short, there is evidence that the worm has begun to turn. And, as an example of such evidence, I present this website. Check it out, enjoy the pictures, and reflect on the fact that it actually feels good to talk about "culture jamming" again.

And a hello to the Truth Surfer! (Blogger seems to be acting up, but we'll do what we can).

Paul Jackson's quest for romance is apparently going well...

Conservative leader Stephen Harper didn’t seem at all the harried leader of a dysfunctional political party (as the Lib-Left media in Eastern Canada tries to paint him) when we had coffee together this past week.

Not only did he look calm and cool—he looked like a winner.

Paul, you dirty devil - a coffee date and everything! That snipping sound you hear is Tony Blair cutting you out of the photographs of the two of you in the park. And over there we have Paul Cellucci sobbing into his pillow while writing nasty things about Stephen Harper in his My Little Pony diary.

Welcome aboard Just Another Cranky Little Blog! Told ya we'd be writing again soon...

Unfortunately, due to the presence of enemy fighters in the region, the brave souls of Oi! Thump! have had to maintain radio silence this week. Studying for midterms, preparing a lecture on St. Augustine, and marking term papers had nothing whatsoever to do with it. It has of course meant that we've missed out a bit on our coverage of the province-wide labour uprising in B.C., but we have been keeping an eye on things, and will be writing more very soon. We promise.

Doing some blog-cleaning today: getting rid of links that seemed to have gone down, including one for a baseball team that sadly no longer exists. Ranting and Raving later, maybe.

Steeeeeeeeeeerike!

So, the B.C. Teacher's Union is on strike. Illegally. Personally, I couldn't be prouder of them, nor of the other trade unions in B.C. who have threatened a general strike in support. However, the fact is that the B.C. teachers are acting illegally, and have been duly punished for it. However, the facts that a) the teachers have dared to strike at all (da noiv!) and b) that they have not all been summarily executed for this heinous crime, have caused much pants-wetting chez the usual suspects:

I predicted “peanuts” would be the ruling, earlier. I was wrong. The judge issued roses and bon-bons instead. I overestimated the ability of the liberals, once again, to simply dispense justice without bias and to maintain law and order in our country.

That’s right. Nothing. No fine. No jail time.

Do you get the impression from this that the PTBC types had actually organized a "Watch The Teachers Get Slammed In Court" Party (despite ludicrous claims of prescience), only to have the judge pull the rug out from under their feet, leaving sitting glumly around a bowl of stale nachos and half a case of Diet No-Name Brand Cola? I sure do.

Instead, the liberal judge who was appointed to the bench by liberals, wagged a finger (scratch that—I was guessing but I reconsidered. I’m thinking it was more of a wink and a hug) at the unionists and told the radical left-wing teachers’ union ("party") that they should stop paying their members their strike pay for 30 days. Strike pay was $50 per day, which was coming out of their huge, multi-million-dollar strike fund.

What's interesting here is that our hero keeps following the words "teachers' union" with the word "party" in brackets (check his site for further examples). He thereby cunningly makes the astute political observation that, um, the, uh, teachers' union, um, errr, ah... Anyhoo, the $50/day strike pay that the teachers are losing works out to about $1500/month ($1100 or so if they're not counting weekends), and, on a teacher's salary, that's a big hit. And therein lies the problem. If provinces actually started paying their teachers a living fucking wage, and started treating with the contempt they deserve the jackasses who whine on about how teachers "are overpaid," and "only work ten months a year," and all that other shit, maybe the teachers wouldn't actually need to go on illegal strikes in order to get their point across. And then these idiot anti-union conservatives wouldn't have to spend as much time actually looking after their own drooling, knuckle-dragging offspring, and hey, EVERYBODY would be a fucking winner. But no, instead we get thinly disguised bloodlust directed against anyone who tries to stand up for themselves. It is to weep.

That’ll learn ’em! (The teachers, and the kids, as well as all the people.)
Oh and remember .... vote liberal.

Well, that was incoherent. Was that supposed to be sarcasm? Anyway, it occurs to me at this point that the only group of working people treated more like shit than the teachers are the nurses. Swell. The people who teach our children, and the people who save our lives get to put up with being shat on for the crime of trying to earn a comfortable wage by (semi-)human fucking scumbags of the sort that drag their hideous bloated carcasses around the messageboards at PTBC and Conservative Life. What a great world.

Tragedy at Conservative Life - Vacation Ruined!

The horror, the horror...

We've gone skiing at Whistler BC several times recently. It's the best ski resort in the world, but last year the anti-Bush anti-American sentiment amongst Canadians put a damper on things.

Awwww. Diddums gettums feewings hurt? Yeesh. We could all understand your sentiments if, say, you we're brutally beaten by Carolyn Parrish, but what happened here is that some guy (or possibly, gasp, a woman!!!1!!), disagreed with our vacationer on some point of politics, and this disagreement has been inflated into anti-Americanism, socialism, Marxism, and probably homosexuality.

We're considering where to go this year for a ski holiday. Whistler is an awesome resort, but by spending my money there, am I supporting the leftist Canuckistan government and their policies?

Are you Bill O'Reilly in disguise? I mean, I'm going to go waaaaaay out on a limb here, and gently suggest that your presence and/or absence will generally have very little effect on the overall economic health of Whistler, B.C. or Canada. Especially because we all know you don't tip, you cheap bastard.

So, should we go back to Canada?
Stay in the US?
Go to Austria? Italy? (Switzerland and France our OUT of the question.)

Ok, you're a conservative, so we all understand why you break out in a rash at any mention of France, but what the hell did Switzerland ever do to you? And I would suggest that Austria sounds ideal for you, as long as you can find a time machine to take you back to 1938:



Fortunately, the Good Samaritans at Conservative Life are on hand to help this troubled soul out of his difficulties. First, a certain Vin suggests:

I will suggest that if this is how you were treated, then they do not deserve your business/money. When the U.S. tourist dollar starts drying up, they'll start to remember proper etiquette and respect.

Oh yeah, the day when obnoxious wankers who don't tip (but do burst into tears every time somebody criticizes President Shrub) stop coming to Canada is going to be a black one indeed!

Then, "ol' goat" intelligently follows up to Vin's suggestion:

Good point Officer Vin.

The military fetish that these guys have is by turns repellent and hilarious, given that not one of them has ever been close to an actual war (masturbating while watching Iron Eagle doesn't count).

And back to Vin, as the fellating gets truly under way!!!:

Thank you sir, from you, that means alot.

Get a room!

United States Senate takes Georgie's toy away

Bush will veto anti-torture law after Senate revolt
By Francis Harris in Washington
(Filed: 07/10/2005)

The Bush administration pledged yesterday to veto legislation banning the torture of prisoners by US troops after an overwhelming and almost unprecedented revolt by loyalist congressmen.

Well this is all very fun. It seems that Arizona Senator John McCain, who has actual experience of being, you know, tortured, decided that enough was enough, and that his country didn't really need any more of this. So, he attached this amendment to an appropriations bill designed to pull together some money for the armed forces. The amendment passed, easily, and so did the bill itself. This put George in a bit of a quandary, since vetoing it would mean saying "no" to whole pot of cash that the military apparently needs really badly. So, what to do? Does George keep his right to have dark-skinned foreigners tortured? Or does he take steps to see that the soldiers fighting and dying for their country are better protected? Hmmm. Torture brown people, or save American lives? Well, go back and read the first paragraph again, and you'll see which way Shrub went. Somehow, we're not surprised.

It was a real bad day for George in other ways, as well.

Let's check in with the folks at Proud To Be Canadian, shall we? This is the site, of course, which flaunts its Canadian patriotism by running columns by Ann Coulter, Rebecca Hagelin, Mike Adams, Jennifer Morse, Doug Giles, Steven Milloy, and other exciting non-Canadians. As far as actual Canadian content is concerned (ooh, alliteration), well, they've got Paul Jackson. Anyway, let's see what Paul's up to today:

British Prime Minister Tony Blair is arguably the most attractive, visionary and courageous politician in the democratic world.

Ok, let's not. At least he's not gushing about Bush in this one. Oh, and here's another one:

Paul Cellucci, former Republican governor of Massachusetts and more recently American ambassador to Canada, is the kind of American who does inspire awe. He’s a photogenic, erudite, William F. Buckley-type, and a man of quiet charm.

Tony Blair's getting jealous!!! And Paul's more homophobic colleagues are starting to ostracize him during coffee break.

We'll be back another time to check out PtbC's exciting array of guest columnists!

Just as a gentle reminder that sometimes things are more important than various Wasylyshens, dumb American presidents, wingnut Canadians, and really poor sportswriting. Normal service to resume soon.

Sports Break at Oi! Thump!

...but don't let that deceive you into thinking we're going to be nice all of a sudden. Not on your life! However, before we start with the bashing, we're going to note that this is an historic post for the Oi! Thump! elite blogetteers, for with this post we surpass the total posts for our previous attempt at blogging. A quick look at the old girl shows that the Oi! Thumpers! were considerably more obsessed with sports in them days, although we still didn't like Bob Wasylyshen.

Anyhoo, we're going to resurrect an old tradition from them days, to wit, the Lame Moments in Sports series. Expect them to be regularly irregular. And now, onto the snark!

Lame Moments in Sports #12: The Existence of Skip Bayless

Meet Skip Bayless, proud ESPN commentator.

Read Skip on "Supporting Your Team-mates, The Importance Of:"

"For a vicariously thrilling moment on Sunday, I was Larry Allen of the Dallas Cowboys. I was the strongest man in the National Football League, and I had my kicker by the face mask. If I ripped off his helmet and his head stayed in it, so be it."

Read Skip on "Education, Its Vital Role in Today's Society:"

"As an OU fan, I don't care if OU players are required to attend a single class, and I don't want my coach jeopardizing our chances to win because of a ridiculously strict new attendance requirement."

Read Skip on "Hyperbole, Dangers Of:"

"If possible, he's even better and worse than ever. He continues to astonish, with his bat and his mouth. At 41, Barry Bonds is again proving to be the greatest hitter and biggest jerk in baseball history."

We could go on, but I think we'll stop here and mourn the death of actual sportswriting. I mean really, the column on placekickers has got to be one of the most godawful things I read recently. Memo to Skip: IT'S OK JUST TO WRITE ABOUT THE GAMES; YOU DON'T NEED TO BE 'CONTROVERSIAL.' Trust me, nobody's standing around the water cooler at work wondering "What does Skip Bayless think about all this?"

As a final note, Bayless is not the only bad sportswriter out there, nor is he probably the worst. He just happened to catch our attention today, is all...

Hailing Frequencies Open!

We done got ourselves a comment!!!!! In response to yesterday's incisive assessment of Ex-Chief Bob's desire to rule again, a certain Emily Santiago cryptically informed us:

Sen. Talent's speeches go online with podcasts
KANSAS CITY, Mo. - Finally, something you can download to your iPod that is perfectly legal.
Find out how you can buy and sell anything, like things related to music on interest free credit and pay back whenever you want! Exchange FREE ads on any topic, like music!

And so we ask, what does Kansas City have to do with any of this? Who's Mo? And so on and so forth.

In other news, our pals over at conservative life have discovered a fetishist in their midst. Of course, after the woofing about defending his family, and "bugout locations," and using GPS to track stored ammunition, we all realize that the only thing the thread author is going to get up to in the case of serious violence towards him and his is a lot of elite-level pants-shitting. Hell, this guy probably soils himself when the milkman comes by. And that's all for now.

You have got to be fucking kidding me...

Ex-city police chief Bob Wasylyshen says he'd consider returning to the post

Comeback of the year? Could be.

Retired police chief Bob Wasylyshen left the door open for a return to the Edmonton Police Service yesterday.

The chief, who was popular both with rank-and-file cops and citizens, says he'd consider returning to the top-cop job if he's approached by the headhunting firm searching for the next chief.

Jeebus. He was popular with the rank-and-file because he let them do whatever they wanted, and the only reason he seemed popular with civilians was because everybody was too terrified of the rank-and-file doing whatever they wanted to say anything about it.

[snip]
Wasylyshen added he's heard from rank-and-file officers who say they'd like him to return.

That would be rank-and-file officers (isn't that an oxymoron, BTW?) like his son, we presume. Ye gods, just when you think the EPS couldn't continue its decline from one of the best forces in the world (and not that long ago, either) to a complete fucking joke, we find out that the asshole who started the slide wants his job back. Jesus fucking wept.

Loonitunes North of the 49th

It's always been a source of deep dismay to the elite Oi! Thump! sociologues that the Americans seem to have all the really good conservative nutjobs. Sure, we've got the Byfields, but they haven't been really relevant since about 1992, even if Link did get himself elected senator-in-waiting-and-waiting-and-waiting-and-boring-people-on-talk-radio. However, we Canadians are a can-do sort of people, and it is with great joy that we introduce to you some folks doing their darndest to shrink the conservative nuttiness gap. Behold, then, the wonder that is Conservative Life. What I particularly enjoy about this site is the effort made by its contributors to deal with the most pressing issues in Canadian conservative thought today. As proof, we have this article here:

Dr. Phil's Son To Wed Playboy Centerfold

Ironically, an episode the other day was about the evils of judging by appearance.

As with those that claim they read Playboy for the articles, I suppose he became smitten by this tramp through her personality.

For those charmed by the puny, ditzy model type, be warned. They don't strike me as the kind that will do much housework or happily do as they are told like a proper wife should.

Yup, cutting edge stuff, with a dose of gratuitous misogyny tossed in, just to make sure everyone remembers that yes, this piece was written by a twit. Then there's this, from the Conservative Life messageboards:

I Would Leap Off The Top Of A Mountain For Pres. Bush

That pretty much makes fun of itself, doesn't it...

Not Dead Yet...

A mere half-a-year on from the last post, the Oi! Thump! staff were awakened from a deep sleep by the kiss of a beautiful maiden. Sort of. By which I mean the cat walked into the Oi! Thump! Fortress of Solitude Command Centre (batteries sold seperately) and barfed. We're reading much ancient Greek and Latin these days, including Aeschylus' Prometheus Bound, Tacitus' Agricola, and a number of other things. The good folks to the south of us seem to have, at least somewhat, realized that they are being governed by a ninny, which is a good thing. And we still await said ninny's Grand Vizier, who is supposed to be paying a visit to our fair land sometime in the near future, presumeably after he has drunk the blood of some virgins, or something... More to come.

Stupidest...Fucking...Article...Ever...

Ye gods, some mothers do have 'em...

Should Women Play Sports?
By Scott Jonas
Jan 4, 2005, 18:33

I have read many great articles by Christian men and women regarding the participation of women in the workforce, politics, and in the military. These are activities that most women didn’t participate in until fifty years ago. However, I feel there is one other major activity these writers have not addressed. For some reason, they've overlooked women’s participation in sports.

Needless to say, our intrepid correspondent doesn't think women should play sports. This is because he is an adherent to the branch of Christian theology known as "being a douchebag." The best paragraph in the piece is this one:

Most men I know admire a woman who is reasonably healthy and fit; they are also attracted to a woman who is somewhat “soft” and cuddly. This does not mean she should be delicate like tissue paper; no, a woman should be reasonably strong, and the normal duties of life will make her that way. This is what we learn from the Proverbs 31 woman. However, if you look at pictures of female athletes who play sports or observe them on the playing fields, you will notice that many develop strong, muscular bodies. Female athletes also sneer, wince, push, and fight just like the men. I notice these things all the time in pictures in our hometown newspaper. The sneers are most obvious; they make young women very unfeminine. The masculine uniforms and sweaty bodies aren’t very attractive, either.

This guy sure spends a lot of time thinking about the sweaty bodies of muscular women who happen to be complete strangers... Did he have a bad date when he was younger? Did Mia Hamm run over his dog? And does Mrs. Jonas think?

Actually, I think our boy has just realized that there's yet another group of people out there who can kick his ass if he gives them any lip.

Oh yeah, and there's this:

I also notice when driving by our public school grounds and sports fields another phenomenon taking place: the young girls are trained in sports right along with the boys. To me, this can only be degrading to the boys. In some cases, girls regularly participate on boys' sports teams, and therefore compete against the boys themselves. During the past decade, more and more girls participated in wrestling; since there were no girls' wrestling teams, they joined the boys' teams and competed against the boys. I read about one school where the boys refused to wrestle the girls and forfeited their matches; there could be no greater embarrassment to them than to lose to a girl, not to mention it likely violated their sense of masculine chivalry. So not only is female sports participation degrading the feminine nature of women, in many cases it degrades the developing masculinity in boys.

Without addressing the issue of how much time Scott Jonas spends "driving by our public school grounds," let me merely say that this paragraph is very revealing. For in it, we see the ghost of young Scott, 14 years old, aspiring Olympic wrestler, until one black day, he takes the mat only to see that his opponent... IS A GURL!!!1!!! The unsettling effect of the sight of her ankles, plus the fact that 83% of Scott's body mass is acne, combine to lead to an epic beat-down, which ends with Scott in surgery to have his big toe removed from his ear. And a legend is born (Ok, it's the legend of a man downloading terabytes of pictures of female athletes "for research," combined with the legend of a man learning the meaning of the term "strap-on," but it's still a legend).

A douchebag, as I said...

Ze Veek uf Hell iz Ofer...
Which doesn't explain the lack of posting, except for the past few days. Anyway, I've just written the worst damn essay I've ever produced, taught the deadest tutorial in the history of tutorials, and so on and so forth. Meanwhile, things have been happening in the world:

We're still burying Mounties. This was a horrific event. 'Nuff said.

The U.S. is still fucking up in Iraq. This is also a horrific thing. I'll be in Italy in a few weeks, and it'll be interesting to see what the opinion "on the street" is.

Paul Cellucci is still being a douchebag. Paul Cellucci is a horrific thing... well not really. What he is is a thug.

And so on and so forth...

Well, I had an entire nice post ready to go about the recent Canadian decision not to get involved in the missile defence fiasco, but when I went to the U.S. embassy website to try to get examples of Paul Cellucci being a twit, it crashed the computer. Damn you Paul Cellucci!!! Anyway, I'm too depressed and lazy now, so I'll try to post more tomorrow.

Been sick, hence no recent posting. Will try to do something on the great Edmonton Police Meltdown of '05 in the near future.