Tuesday, November 15, 2005

A Visit to Jacksonworld

"...thank you for flying Air Wingnut. Have a pleasant day!"

"Ooooh, Look Maude, the sky really is a different colour here..."

Tue, November 15, 2005
Job well done: Employment rate soars in U.S. as a result of Bush tax cuts
By Paul Jackson

DALLAS -- One positive thing I'll say about the old roue and likable rogue, Bill Clinton, is whenever he appears on a TV talk show, he never condemns President George W. Bush on the issues of the war on terrorism or social security reform.

Ok, Paul, that's fine, but um, er...

[We were going to run, and "annotate" the whole fucking article, but have decided to spare you and replace it with a large snippage instead. Imagine tired references to Clinton sex scandals, bizarre economic theories about tax cuts for the rich saving jobs, years-old hatred of Ross Perot, vague delusions of journalism, repressed jealousy, a merciful absence of comment on the attractive physical appearance of powerful conservative men, and so on and so forth. We read it so you don't have to. You're welcome. And now back to Paul in person...]

Troubling thoughts about Iraq aside, Americans are happy and prospering under the Bush administration and unless the economy falls apart, which is unlikely, or the Democrats get rid of their lunatic radical left, again unlikely, the prospects for an eighth GOP win in 2008 look pretty solid.

Yeah, alright, but um, er... Oh, and then there's this rather interesting tidbit...

Ok, Paul, we'll explain this using pictures, because you're a simpleton. The reasons you are out to lunch on this one are a) you're out to lunch on everything, and b) the Iraq War which you so easily shrug aside has, unsurprisingly enough, actually had an effect on some Americans' opinions of the Boy King. Now, I know these Americans are not the type of people who place a great deal of emphasis on this:

as opposed to this:

So they're not the sorts of people to whom you give a great deal of thought, or for whom you have any respect at all. There are, however, a lot more of them than you think there are. Furthermore, despite your hallucinations concerning the economic benefits of flinging gobs of cash at the richest 1% of society, many of these people do not have a chance in Hell of ever possessing this:

or, all too often, this:

So, essentially Paul, what we are trying to say to you on behalf of our less fortunate American siblings is "Fuck off and die, you horrible, halfwitted, excuse for a journalistic whore."

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