Monday, March 20, 2006



Todays picture is not of a punk rock band. It is of a sugar glider. This is because my brother's sugar glider (not pictured above) died yesterday, causing much sadness (What's not to love about a carniverous flying squirrel?).

Anyway, off in search of a wingnut to abuse, and, well, lookee here! A mighty conservative icon has fallen from grace...

Wal-Mart No Longer Worthy of Family Trust?
By Randy Sharp
March 9, 2006

(AgapePress) - Late last fall, I got a voice-mail from a fellow stating he represented Wal-Mart as an agent of the giant Edelman Public Relations firm. I returned his call several times, to no avail. I finally gave up. I presume he wanted to talk about ways Wal-Mart might be trying to stop the bleeding of consumer dissatisfaction with the company.

Advertising Age, a huge marketing industry trade publication, confirmed my suspicions when they recently wrote the retail giant was desperate to clean up their reputation, tarnished by repeated desertions of its historically moral values leanings. It hired Edelman to try and smooth the rough seas created by unions and groups like WakeUpWalMart.com, who rankle over health care, poor wages, and the company's "Not Made in America" love for Chinese products.


Right, so those "moral values" so leaned on by Wal-Mart in the Golden Ages of Yore included letting its workers get ill, fucking them up the ass when they tried to make a living, and buying from countries whose records on workers' rights were, if anything, worse. Swell morals there, Randy.

To the typical Wal-Mart consumer, these issues are non-intrusive to our shopping habits. A decent product at a decent price is what draws our attention. And the clean stores, well-stocked shelves, and friendly associates are a far cry from the distracting noise being directed at the Bentonville corporate office.

Maybe those issues are non-intrusive to you, Randy, but some of us have been paying better attention. We were staying away from Wal-Mart, and publicly decrying it, when you lot were sighing and gushing over the fucking store because it didn't sell music that made you feel uncomfortable.

But now, Wal-Mart is raising the ire of the shopper segment of the retail industry. No longer is Sam Walton's legacy of homespun marketing the driving force. The changing of the guard has replaced common-sense values and decency with corporate greed. Wal-Mart no longer considers the common working family its foundation for success. All eyes are now fixed on money and power.

Randy, you stupid, easily-led, gullible fuckup, since when was Wal-Mart about anything but grinding its competition into powder and then pissing on the remains? When did Walmart ever see the "common working family" as anything but a source of money and a dumping ground for its shitty merchandise? And, speaking of "common working families", don't try to convince me that you yourself view them with anything but contempt and fear.

Those who built the empire were working-class folks, such as the stocker who worked his way up to district manager because he understood the business from the inside. Walton was no stranger to work. Until his death, he made daily trips to his stores to meet the people who traded with him. It wasn't uncommon to see him stocking a shelf or gathering shopping carts from the parking lot.

And there was no chance whatsoever that he was doing that to support some sort of folkesy, down-home image, while in fact he was getting richer than God by ripping the hearts out of communities in the name of greed. I mean, nobody would be dumb enough to fall for... Oh, wait, never mind.

The business is now run by "educated elite" gurus of business who live in big houses and host dinner parties. These socialites now make decisions without taking time to "greet the folks" and learn what makes the working family want to come to their stores. They trust public relations companies to tell them what to do.

And it's backfiring on them.

Wal-Mart used to stay away from violent and profanity-laced music. It felt it had a moral obligation to avoid profiting from the promotion of anti-social behavior. Go in Wal-Mart today and you can purchase "25 to Life," the blood-bath cop-killer video game.


Really? The game that received such a glowing review here? Ok, bad example, what about here? No, ok, here? Here? The point here is that the only people likely to be buying "25 to Life" at Wal-Mart are obsessed conservatives hunting for evidence to support their paranoia about all things youth-related.

Wal-Mart used to reject magazines that contained scantily-clad photos of women. Now they stock the Sports Illustrated "Swimsuit" edition in the check-out lane. The current magazine cover featuring eight topless females confronts your sons and husbands, begging them to lust.

And in Massachusetts the magazine cover is probably confronting your daughters as well!! Run for the hills!! However, I'll go easy on you for this paragraph Randy, because the comic relief broke up the general awfulness of your article nicely (by the way, I think you meant "photos of scantily-clad women").

Wal-Mart aggressively supports the promotion of homosexuality. Last December, corporate headquarters issued a staff memo inviting home office associates to a seminar entitled "Why Market to Gay America?" Earlier last year, Wal-Mart established a "gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender" (GLBT) group within the corporation.

So, to sum up, a perfectly normal person who even sets foot in today's Wal-Mart is likely to come out a horny, cop-killing, homosexual. I see...

The latest escapade proves Wal-Mart no longer respects the sanctity of life, as evidenced by their corporate decision to begin offering "Plan B," an abortion pill, in its Wal-Mart and SAM'S CLUB stores. They say they will not force pharmacists to dispense the pill if they feel uncomfortable doing so. My guess is that this mindset will last about a week. That's how long it will take some promiscuous feminist to file a lawsuit.

Because of course, "promiscuous feminists" are the only people who ever get involved with problem pregnancies. Scared kids? Rape and incest victims? Naw...

Wal-Mart continues to abandon the principles of common decency and morality that made them a household name. I think I've had enough. Let's review:

Wal-Mart stocks music that sexually denigrates women


Stop right fucking there, asshole. When you were complaining about the Sports Illustrated "Swimsuit" Issue, you were worried about its effect on men. Then you wet your pants over the possibility that women might be able to receive timely and necessary medical care. Fuck you, don't you dare now turn around and try to convince us that you give a flying fuck about the denigration of women, except insofar as you work to encourage it.

...promotes violence, and blasphemes the name of God. Wal-Mart sells "entertainment" that rewards players for killing police and innocent bystanders. Wal-Mart advances an unhealthy and dangerous lifestyle, whose members fight for homosexual marriage. Wal-Mart profits from a product whose sole purpose is to stop the beating heart of an unborn child.

Wal-Mart, if you're listening: Before making a trip to your store next time, I'll take a moment and ask myself, "Is there an alternative place to shop?"


And because of people like you, who sat back and watched as Wal-Mart rolled over your communtities, the answer to that question in too many places is going to be "No."

And to the retailer's corporate executives, let me offer a bit of advice. Get out of your plush office and away from the "professional advisors." Try spending a little time in your stores and talk to your customers to see what they think about your direction. Sam Walton did. As a result, he learned how to build a successful empire, rather than hiring outsiders to tell him how.

Sam Walton built his empire by telling his customers what they wanted, not the other way around. And I can't see that today's Wal-Mart executives are going to be terribly worried about losing your business.

4 comments:

Alison said...

Yes, when I'm looking for advice about what's really important in life, I naturally turn to some guy who not only made several attempts to return a voice-mail message from an advertising flack, but is still thinking about it several months later.

Bazz said...

Further research (I read the bottom of the quoted article) has indicated that our man Randy is the "Director of Special Projects" for the American Family Association. Even further research reveals that Randy is still quite angry about the whole Janet Jackson/Superbowl thing. So you're right, Alison, he doesn't appear to be particularly quick on the draw!

the rev. said...

Hit'em with the chair Bazz!

Bazz said...

Indeed, looking back, I seem to have been fairly cross when I wrote this post! :)