Whatsit Six of Our Election Guide

Presenting... The Conservative Party of Canada!

At this point, they can taste it. It's right there, so close, only a couple of weeks not even until they can, um, well, what can they do, should the current poll numbers hold up and they form the next government? Well, not as much as you'd think. They're not going to ban gay marriage, because the courts would slap them silly. Nor will they use the notwithstanding clause to push it through, since doing something that stupidly petty would mean that the next election results for them will make Kim Campbell look like a landslide winner. They won't send us to Iraq, although they would probably like to. Their best friends to the South of us are going through a bit of a rough patch, so cozying up to them isn't really an option. That pretty much leaves wrecking the economy, and, although they'll give it their best shot, the Canadian economy is fairly resilient. So they'll muddle along until the Canadian populace decides that the Liberals have been punished enough, and then they'll go away again. In the meantime we'll get to laugh at Stephen Harper.

If this party were an animal, it would be: A pet rock. Not terribly interesting, and useful only for breaking things.



Position on environmental concerns? They're in favour of environmentalism, as long as nobody offers them any money at all to be otherwise.

Attitude towards our friends to the South? Alternates between being slavishly sycophantic and pretending not to be slavishly sycophantic.

Percent likelihood that they'll try to repeal gay marriage? 0%. See above.

Is Oi! Thump! voting for them? No.

Next in line is, I believe, the First Peoples National Party of Canada.