Tuesday, March 15, 2005


Ye gods, some mothers do have 'em...

Should Women Play Sports?
By Scott Jonas
Jan 4, 2005, 18:33

I have read many great articles by Christian men and women regarding the participation of women in the workforce, politics, and in the military. These are activities that most women didn’t participate in until fifty years ago. However, I feel there is one other major activity these writers have not addressed. For some reason, they've overlooked women’s participation in sports.

Needless to say, our intrepid correspondent doesn't think women should play sports. This is because he is an adherent to the branch of Christian theology known as "being a douchebag." The best paragraph in the piece is this one:

Most men I know admire a woman who is reasonably healthy and fit; they are also attracted to a woman who is somewhat “soft” and cuddly. This does not mean she should be delicate like tissue paper; no, a woman should be reasonably strong, and the normal duties of life will make her that way. This is what we learn from the Proverbs 31 woman. However, if you look at pictures of female athletes who play sports or observe them on the playing fields, you will notice that many develop strong, muscular bodies. Female athletes also sneer, wince, push, and fight just like the men. I notice these things all the time in pictures in our hometown newspaper. The sneers are most obvious; they make young women very unfeminine. The masculine uniforms and sweaty bodies aren’t very attractive, either.

This guy sure spends a lot of time thinking about the sweaty bodies of muscular women who happen to be complete strangers... Did he have a bad date when he was younger? Did Mia Hamm run over his dog? And does Mrs. Jonas think?

Actually, I think our boy has just realized that there's yet another group of people out there who can kick his ass if he gives them any lip.

Oh yeah, and there's this:

I also notice when driving by our public school grounds and sports fields another phenomenon taking place: the young girls are trained in sports right along with the boys. To me, this can only be degrading to the boys. In some cases, girls regularly participate on boys' sports teams, and therefore compete against the boys themselves. During the past decade, more and more girls participated in wrestling; since there were no girls' wrestling teams, they joined the boys' teams and competed against the boys. I read about one school where the boys refused to wrestle the girls and forfeited their matches; there could be no greater embarrassment to them than to lose to a girl, not to mention it likely violated their sense of masculine chivalry. So not only is female sports participation degrading the feminine nature of women, in many cases it degrades the developing masculinity in boys.

Without addressing the issue of how much time Scott Jonas spends "driving by our public school grounds," let me merely say that this paragraph is very revealing. For in it, we see the ghost of young Scott, 14 years old, aspiring Olympic wrestler, until one black day, he takes the mat only to see that his opponent... IS A GURL!!!1!!! The unsettling effect of the sight of her ankles, plus the fact that 83% of Scott's body mass is acne, combine to lead to an epic beat-down, which ends with Scott in surgery to have his big toe removed from his ear. And a legend is born (Ok, it's the legend of a man downloading terabytes of pictures of female athletes "for research," combined with the legend of a man learning the meaning of the term "strap-on," but it's still a legend).

A douchebag, as I said...

Friday, March 11, 2005

Ze Veek uf Hell iz Ofer...
Which doesn't explain the lack of posting, except for the past few days. Anyway, I've just written the worst damn essay I've ever produced, taught the deadest tutorial in the history of tutorials, and so on and so forth. Meanwhile, things have been happening in the world:

We're still burying Mounties. This was a horrific event. 'Nuff said.

The U.S. is still fucking up in Iraq. This is also a horrific thing. I'll be in Italy in a few weeks, and it'll be interesting to see what the opinion "on the street" is.

Paul Cellucci is still being a douchebag. Paul Cellucci is a horrific thing... well not really. What he is is a thug.

And so on and so forth...